Sorting our Respite and lunchtime carer

Tuesday 1^st June 2010

Got to Mums at 8am gave her breakfast and her meds also helped her have a bath, John and I did some housework for her.

 Had to look for her glasses as she had lost them once again!  I couldn’t find them anywhere, so left a note to the carers to that effect.

 We walked up to the village and got her some shopping and stocked up her food cupboard. When we got back I got her a cup of tea and a slice of cake, before we left I got her a sandwich and cake and a glass of Lambruso.  I left her a home cooked meal to have later in the afternoon

Michael picked me up at 2pm and we went to Daphs to have a meeting with Sharon Hale from Social Services, to fill in the 42 page form to apply for 2 weeks respite care at West View in Tenterden, with the hope that it would lead to a permanent placing.

We also sorted a lunch time carer to go in to make sure she is eating lunch time, she would start tomorrow.  She also sorted out a carer to go in on Tuesday 29^th June as I have a hospital appointment so I can’t go over to her.

John picked me up and on the way home we noticed that Michael had gone into mum, he said that when he got there mums back door was unlocked and that she was in bed!

Wednesday 2^nd June

1.30pm the Town and Country lunch time carer phoned to say that she had gone to mum at that mum wasn’t there.  I told her that it was best to leave it for today and that I would try and find out where she was!

I phoned Dib and told him, he said that mum was there as another neighbour had gone over to him and said that mum was wondering up and down the road not knowing where she was, so he went and found her and took her back with him, she was now with him.

Did said that they would keep and eye on her at this time of the day from now on

I phoned Town and Country and explained what had happened.

Saturday 5^th June

(We managed to get a couple of days away) I phoned mum to say that we would be popping in to see her and she said ‘Thank goodness I wondered where you had been, I haven’t seen you for a very long time’.

We got to mums just after 9am she looked very disorientated and a bit far away! I got her a cup of tea and a slice of cake and  we sat outside in the garden as it was a lovely sunny day.

Michael phoned and was surprised that we were there and that he was going to pop over, I told him that it was fine as we were only staying for a little while.

I told mum that Michael was coming over and she got very excited, saying ‘do I look Ok’ and  ‘ I wonder where he is taking me’ I told her that he hadn’t mentioned that he was taking her anywhere, just that he was coming over, she got very fidgety and then stood in the front garden until he arrived.  The first thing she asked him was ‘where are you taking me’.  I reminded him that the carer would be there at 12.30pm

Thursday May 27th - Sunday 29th May 2010

Thursday 27^th May 2010

Michael called in, we talked about mum and I told him that I needed more help, I told him that mum had been offered respite care at West View and Social Services would arrange it all, also a lunch time carer to call on her.

He told me that Alice breaks up from school today and that Teresa and Linda will be able to take her out.

He also wants to come over to Daphs on Tuesday when Sharon Hale comes from Social Services come so that he can ask some questions

Daph phoned later to say that she had a phone call from Town and Country carers to say that the carer could not lock the front door, she went over and mum had all the keys in a muddle on the table, she had taken the key ring of the back door key, when she asked mum why she had done that mum said that ‘ because it needs a whats name!’   Daph put the key back on the key ring, mum got a bit grumpy with D and said to her ‘you know everything, you do’

Later on in the afternoon Daph phoned again to say that mum had been out with the friendship club to the cinema and Verity Buckle had phoned to say that the Kino Cinema had got in touch with her to say they had found a black bag with a blue purse in it and the only name it had on it was Daphs, she said that she thought that it was mums but the cinema had got a bit ‘awkward’, Verity explained to them that mum has dementia.

I told D what mum had in her purse when I left her on Tuesday, she also had a small purse in her bag with a bit of change in it. 

I phoned Teresa, as she was with mum, to ask if mum had lost her purse and she said that they were looking for it at that moment., she said that mum was in a state and had found some money in the pot in the cabinet, but couldn’t find her purse.

Got back in touch with D and she said that she was going up to the cinema to see if she could get the bag back, she phoned me back and said that she had got the bag, she was able to tell them roughly what mum had in her purse and that there was also a small purse with some change in it.  I phoned Teresa back and told her that the bag and purse had been found and that D had it at her house.

Teresa said that she was going to have a talk with mum about Care home but it was difficult.

Friday 28^th May 2010

Phoned mum in the morning but she was out so phoned again at 3pm and she was there she said that she didn’t have anyone there, I said no but Teresa came yesterday, she remembered that she had been there and also said that she had been ‘over there’ which I took to mean she had been over to D & D’s and there wasn’t anyone there, I told her that Daph was at work and Dib was probably in the back garden and didn’t here her.

Told her we would be over in the morning , she said ‘good’ I said that we couldn’t go today as we were busy, she said ‘you don’t have to thingy’ I said do you mean ‘justify why we can’t come over’ she said ‘yes that’s it’

Saturday 29^th May 2010

Mum looked really well when we got there today, she complained that it was really cold, so checked the central heating and it had been turned right down so turned it back up to 20, We sat at the kitchen table and had a cup of tea, mum said that ‘he had come and picked her up’ I took it that she meant that Michael had picked up Teresa yesterday..( I am getting good at working things out!!) but she said he didn’t stay long and I don’t see him much, I told her that I had asked him to pop in more to see her.

When I went into the front room with her she told me that Teresa had said that she was worried about her being there on her own, I told her we were all worried about her being on her own and being safe and that she was lonely she said that she was but I am not now! she told me that she liked me being there best,  I told her that I couldn’t be there all the time as we had things that we had to do as well

Found quite a  few dirty blouses in her bedroom wardrobe so sorted them out, found a £10 note in one of the pockets

While tiding up found her walking stick plus another one, D said that she would phone Verity and Bett to see if it belongs to either of them, she took them over to her house.

When we were sitting in the garden mum said that she could always come home with us, I told her we were going shopping and said that she wouldn’t be able to come she asked ‘why are you going such a long way!’ I told her we would be over again on Tuesday.

Just before leaving I found a box of matches, I asked mum why she had them and she said that she needed them, I wanted to take them but she made me put them in the kitchen cupboard. I hope she forgets she has them. !!!

In the evening Teresa phoned and said that she had talked to mum and had told her that we were all worried about her, especially me and that she had also heard that she had lost her way home when she went to the shop (mum told her that’s not what happened)  and wouldn’t it better if she went somewhere where it was like the friendship club everyday, mum said she didn’t think she was ready for that yet!.

I told Teresa that if mum is going to stay at home that she will need a lot more help, but we both agreed that no one can be there 24 hours, she said that Linda was going to start taking her over so that they could take mum out. She said that Michael was finding it difficult to talk to mum about a care home although he thinks that is where she should be somewhere.. John and I are finding things difficult to deal with at the moment..

Sunday 29^th June 2010

Daph phoned to ask where the spare lifeline was as the carer couldn’t find one this morning, she said that mum was fine this morning

Tuesday 25th May 2010- A visit from Social Services to reassess mum

Tuesday 25^th May 2010

Got to mum early today she was in a terrible state, her clothes were all higgledy piggledy, she had 2 cardigans on all done up wrong and a vest which you could see through and no bra, a skirt ,not tights and her big blue walking shoes on, I gave her breakfast and her meds, and then got her to have a bath, while I did that John cleaned out her fridge and threw quite a lot of stuff away.

Daph came over just before 9am so that she could be with me when Social Services came, they arrived just after 9am two ladies came, Sharon Hale and Jackie Packham, they introduced themselves to mum and asked her a lot of questions, which mum couldn’t answer as she didn’t have a clue what they were talking about!.

They didn’t take much noticed of what we were trying to tell them until they asked if mum had been assessed lately by Dr Asprey, when I said that, yes she had and she had been retested and her score was 11 and Dr Asprey had said that most of her patients with that score are already in a care home, they actually started to listen to us, she said that because of mine and Daphs good care, mum had been able to cope so well, for so long. She offered a lunch time carer, to arrive between 12.30 -1pm, we said what happens if mum goes walk about and is not there, she said that Town and Country carers would either phone me or Daph and if it happens a lot then the carer would be cancelled.

They also offered a weeks respite care at West View Tenterden to give us a break, but we have to fill out a 26 page form!!! Sharon Hale has made an appointment to come to Daph’s house on the 1^st June at 2.30pm to go through the form with us.  Mum has to agree to want to go into care as she has a say it what happens but she can go in for respite care to help us.

After Social Services left we walked up to the supermarket and we got her shopping, when we got back we sat in the garden for a while.

Before we left I got her a glass of wine and left her sitting watching  TV.

Teresa phoned me at home to see how we got on with Social Services, I told her all that had been said, she told me that when she had seen mum on Friday she had been ‘awful’ she had managed to get a lift over to Hawkhurst and when she walked a long to the village she saw mum waiting at the bus stop, when she asked mum why she was there, she told Teresa that she was waiting for her, T said to mum ‘you didn’t know what time I was coming over!, mum told her that she hadn’t been there long.

Teresa said that mum was fine when she saw her on Sunday at Michaels and I said that she would be because she had lots of people around her.  Teresa said that she said to  Michael  at about 6.30pm on Sunday that she noticed that mum looked fidgety and it would be a good idea to take her home, but he said, no he thought it would be good for her to stay longer, I don’t think that he realises that mum  had probably been up since 4am!!! That was probably the reason that she was bad on Monday.

Thursday 20th May - 24 th May 2010

Thursday 20^th May 2010

Had an early phone call from Andrew  to say that Dib had been taken into the Conquest with a suspected heart attack ( thankfully it turned out to be vertigo).

We decided to go over and tell mum about Dib instead of telling her on the phone, we went over just after 9am and brought her back here for the day, she sat in the garden for a while and then she went in and sat and watched the TV, she had some lunch with us and we took her home just after 3pm, she was very muddly and confused but well in herself.

Pete came  over when we got back and he was able to reassure her that Dib was OK ( she kept getting confused and saying that it was her brother Charlie who was in hospital)    

Saturday 22^nd May 2010   

Phone call from carer to say that she couldn’t find mums lifeline, I told her where we kept mums spare one.  Mum spoke to me although she called me Teresa, she asked me if we were going over today, I told her not today.  I reminded her that Teresa had been over yesterday and she said ‘Oh yes, he picked me up and do you know what happened!’ I told her no, I didn’t know, she said ‘well I better find out then!’

I told her that we would be over to see her soon.

Daph and Dib popped in for coffee and they said that mum had been very confused when they last saw her.  I phoned D later on in the day to see if Dib was OK and she said that mum had been over to see if Char was ok! She ended up staying with them for lunch and she took her home about 3pm

Sunday 23^rd May 2010

Michael phoned me to ask if we were taking mum out today as he thought that he would invite mum over to his house later.  I said that she would really love that, he said that he would phone her first before going over, I told him that she wasn’t going over to D & D’s for lunch today as they were going out for lunch, so that would be really good.

Michael said that we should go and see some more care homes, I text Daph to say that Michael was going to invite mum over just incase mum goes over to them before they go out, she said that mum had already been over! She also said that Dib wanted to have a word with Michael about mum and she would phone him to see if he would go into them before picking mum up.

Monday 24^th May 2010

Phoned mum she had just woken up so she was even more confused, she told me that she went to Michaels yesterday and they were all there (I think that she meant Teresa, Linda, Lissa and Family) she said that she had a nice time, but she was really tired.

She told me that she had been up to the shops this morning and she couldn’t remember how to get home, then she said ‘No, she had asked someone’ but when I said to her, you couldn’t find your way home then, she said ‘Of course I could’ .  After a while I think that what she meant was that she went to the shop and she couldn’t find her purse and had forgotten to take it with her.  She told me she had found it but there wasn’t much money in it, she said ‘but never mind, I’ll bring the bags tomorrow!’ I told her that never mind I will bring the bags tomorrow so that we can go shopping. Yes she said that’s it .

She said to me that it was my day yesterday and that she should have come to me, I told her no it wasn’t the day that I come over and it was nice for her to go to Michaels.

Wednesday 12 th May - Wednesday 19th May 2010 . Mums conditions worsening

Wednesday 12^th May 2010

I phoned mum to see if she enjoyed her outing, she said that she had a nice time but she didn't have any money left, so when was I going over, I told her that Teresa was going over tomorrow, and she said 'no she isn't'.

I phoned Teresa and she said yes she was going over and that she would check mums money and let me know if she had any left.

Friday 14^th May

Phoned mum to see if she was OK, she asked me if we were going over today, I told her that we would not be going over until tomorrow, she said that she hadn't seen anyone for ages and that she misses me when I don't go over. I explained to her that she did see someone every day. Teresa had been over to her yesterday and Michael had picked Teresa up and had stayed for a while, she said was that yesterday it seems ages ago. She then said that she had been over to D's and she had already told her that it was Friday and we were going over to her tomorrow (Saturday)

Saturday 15^th May

When we got to mums she was in a muddle, I helped her find her bra and put it on, she said that she wanted to go up to the shops, I talked her out of it as there wasn't anything that she needed.

Helped her peg her washing on the line and then we all went over to D & D's for coffee.

Got her some lunch before we left.

Sunday 16^th May

Nurse phoned from foot care clinic in Cranbrook to say clinic was being refurbished so he had made another appointment for mum on June 14^th.

Daph text me to say that mum had go to her at 10.30am for her lunch, after her lunch mum had said that she must get home to see to the animals, she argued with Daph when she said that she didn't have any animals.

Tuesday 18^th May

We got to mums early, she opened the door to us and said that she had lost her purse, so we spent the first hour looking for it, I found it in the drawer in her bedroom.

Got her breakfast and meds and then helped her have a bath, the house was very messy today so had to do a lot of housework, she asked me to cut her toe nails but I couldn't do it and told her that she had an appointment to have it done.

We walked up to the village did her shopping and I did some lunch for us all, including D & D, we sat in the garden as it was a beautiful day.

D & D told me that they are both very worried about mum as on Monday mum arrived on their door step in floods of tears because she said that she hadn't seen anyone for a long time and she was very lonely. Bett had also phoned them and was also upset about how confused she was when she went into her.

Mum wasn't happy when we told her we had to go.

Wednesday 19^th May

Teresa phoned me early evening to say that she wasn't going over until Friday this week. I told her that D & D and Bett were all very worried about mum, she was and has been more confused then ever and Dib had said to mum wasn't it time to think about going in somewhere that would look after her, mum said to her 'may be'.

Teresa had said that Michael had said to mum would she like to go and live in a hotel! Mum had said ' I don't know about that'. I told her that mum would love to go over to Michaels for a couple of hours some times, Teresa said that she would have a word with him on Friday. Teresa told me that she would phone mum about 10.30am in the morning, I told her that she should ring earlier but she said that no she would phone about 10.30am (hope mum is there and not gone out)

I phoned Daph to tell her that Teresa would be going over on Friday instead of Thursday in case mum goes over to her. She told me that when she came back from work, mums neighbour, Deirdre had called over to her she asked D if she had seem mum as she couldn't get in her front door when she had come back from the shop. Deirdre told mum that it would be best to go over and see Dib,

D was in the garden when mum got home so he didn't hear her, so they both went over to mum and mums back and front doors were both open and mum was sitting in her armchair, her shopping was still in her bag beside her chair, there were no keys in sight and D eventually found them in mums purse.

D put mums shopping away, they got her a cup of tea and sat her in the garden, they went over later and put the TV on for her.

D said that mums 5pm carer phoned to say that she couldn't lock mums back door, and that when she got there mum was in bed, she got her up and she had something on her top but nothing on her bottom half! She said to her 'Annie I think that you had better put something on!'

D went over and mum had closed all her curtains , D put her TV on for her, mum thought that it was morning and that she had been in bed all night!

I asked D if she would be with me when Social Services come on Tuesday to reassess mum and she said that she would

1st May - 10th May 2010.. Mums mind in a muddle

Saturday 1^st May 2010

Michael popped in re: mums eye appointment could I text him the time and date

Monday 3^rd May

Phoned mum to she if she was Ok she said that she was but sounded a little confused as usual, she was Ok about not seeing us until tomorrow, in her words she said that she was 'knackered'

Her glasses were still missing

Tuesday 4^th May

Got to mums just after 8am she still hadn't found her glasses but we found her old ones the cushion bit over the nose part was missing so took them up to the optician and they but new ones on for her, helped her with the usual household things. We also did out her food cupboard and threw out a lot of out of date tins.

Went up to the village and did her shopping and also popped into the chemist to get some cream for her knee as she is having a lot of pain in them.

Phoned the lady who runs the Friendship Club to find out about the outing and she told me that mum had got to be at Budgens at 5 to 2 and will be home at about 5.15pm but asked for a phone number just in case of any problems so I gave her D's

We sorted out some odds and sods in her front room, she really enjoyed looking through them, I managed to throw away some bits but she was reluctant to get rid of too much. We found a folder from her 70^th birthday that Len had written as a sort of 'This is your life' she really laughed at what he had written and said ' I wonder what he is doing now!'

Sorted out her TV again as she had unplugged it from the wall, also rubbed some gel (cream) into her knee for her

Before we left I got her a sandwich and a glass of Lambrini she was very tired.

In the afternoon phone Town and Country carers to ask if the carer could go in a bit later next Wednesday as mum was going on an outing, she said that they would go in after 5.30pm. I also asked them if they had got message from Social Services re; cover for Tuesday 11^th I spoke to Debbie and she said that she would phone them as they had nothing down for that date.

Friday 7^th May

Phoned mum to see if she was OK she said that she was but she hadn't seen anyone for two days. I told her that she had as Michael, Teresa and Linda had all been over , she said 'Oh yes they did'.

She was very confused again and told me that she wanted a wee and that she had been outside as she couldn't remember where to go. I paniced a bit and said to her 'you didn't do a wee outside did you' she said that she hadn't she just went outside! ..I said that she had a toilet upstairs, and she said 'Oh yes of course I have'.

Phoned D she was as work so she phoned me back later, she said that she hadn't seen mum much this week but would keep a look out for anything unusual, she said that a Pat mums hairdresser had seen mum up in the village in the supermarket looking very confused and was worried that mum would walk out without paying!

Saturday 8^th May

Mum was sitting watching TV when we got there, she had made herself a cup of tea but the water was in the kettle was cold so don't know how she made it, she said that she didn't go up the village yesterday, but then said that they wasn't anyone around yesterday so she went up to the shop! She said that she have bought something in a box and John was helping her look for it but not knowing what it was it was difficult!

We walked up to the supermarket and got some groceries and a birthday card for Michael.

Before we left we got mum a cup of tea she had go herself a cream doughnut, and left her watching TV

Still no sign of her glasses.

Sunday 9^th May

Phoned to remind mum that we would be over tomorrow (Monday) she said that no one had been over for her, I told her that D & D had gone to London for the day to meet up with some friends and that she wasn't going to them for lunch this week, she said 'Oh yes so they have' she was OK when I said that I had to go and seemed quite happy.

Monday 10^th May

Went to mums today as have hospital appointment tomorrow, did all the usual things that I do on a Tuesday, she complained that things were a bit tight round her tummy and when she was getting undressed to have her bath I noticed that she had 4 pairs of knickers on and 2 pairs of tights.

Rubbed gel into both of her knees as she said that they were painful.

Went up to the supermarket and go her shopping, when we got back I told her (several times) that Michael would be picking her up tomorrow afternoon to take her to her eye appointment, she said that she would write it down, but nothing made sense that she had written down so I asked her if she would like me to write it down for her, so I did and put it on the fridge.

She seems to have thing about cream doughnuts at the moment and gets 2 every time she goes to the supermarket, she is also seeing black flies everywhere again, (still cannot find her glasses!)

I told her I would phone D and let her know about Michael picking her up so if she gets in a muddle about things she would know what is going on

24th April - 30th April 2010.. Confusion, Confusion, Confusion

Saturday 24^th April 2010

Phoned mum to remind her that it's Sunday (tomorrow) that she is coming here for the day, she said 'where are you, I thought that you were coming over' I told her again that it isn't today you are coming over it's tomorrow, she said 'I've changed my clothes and I am all ready, tell them to come and pick me up' I asked her who she was talking about and she said whoever is there with you, I told her it was just me and John, she wanted to know what we were doing today, I told her we were going shopping. I told her again that we can't come today but would pick her up tomorrow (I felt really bad about it but must stick to what I have said) she said that she now felt bad and what would she do now, I said why didn't she walk up to the village or make a drink and sit in the garden, she was not happy!.

I told her yet again that we would pick her up tomorrow and she remarked 'well make it early'

I phoned Daph to warn her that mum might turn up on her doorstep.

Sunday 25^th April

Got to mums early, she was in the big bedroom looking out of the window. She looked well when she opened the door she said 'look I've found these' and pointed to her teeth!.

Apart from being very confused and unable to get a whole sentence out, she was fine. After lunch we said about going to the Garden Centre but she said that she would like to go home and go another day ( she mentioned the black flies everywhere again!)

We got her home at about 2pm she wanted to know when we were going over again. We left her watching TV and a glass of Lambrini.

Monday 26^th April

Daph phoned to say that mum had been up to her friend Betts and she wanted to go and see two of her other friends Lil and Freda, she was really confused, they had arranged to go together in the afternoon but mum had arrived at Betts at 10am.

Bett was really worried about Mum and had phoned Daph while mum was in the loo but had to ring off when mum came back in. So Daph phoned back and made the excuse that mums sister was over

and she wanted to see mum. In the end Daph and Mary walked up to Betts.

Mum went with Bett to see her friends and Daph went and picked her up to make sure she got back home again

Tuesday 27^th April

Got to mums quite early gave her meds and breakfast and then helped her have a bath. Did the usual housework and other bit and bobs.

We walked up to the village supermarket and did her shopping, I picked up her pension and kept some money back and put it into the bank for her.

We all went over to D & D's for lunch, before we left I left a note for the carer asking them if they could close mums bedroom windows before they leave in the evening as mum keeps opening them and then forgetting to close them, yesterday D saw them open and went over and shut them.

We left her watching the TV as she said that she was tired

Wednesday 28^th April

D phoned to say that mum's friend Bett had phoned her this morning to say she met mum in the village and she was very confused, she said that she was going to the hairdressers, Bett told her she thought that it wasn't until Thursday that she was going, but mum was adamant that Teresa had phoned her and told her it was today and she was also coming over today, Bett told mum that it was Friendship Club today, mum said that she couldn't go as Teresa was coming.

Daph phoned Michael, he phoned Teresa and she confirmed that it was Thursday that she was coming and not today.

Later on D noticed mum talking to a neighbour and pointing to D's house so she went out to see what the problem was, mum said that she had been over and there wasn't anyone there. Mum said she came over for D to take her to the Friendship Club, D told her that it was only 11.30am and that she had two and a half hours before she had to go, and told her to go and watch a bit of TV until it is time to go, mum said that she can't because it didn't work any more. D went over and the plug was out and on the floor and the TV was turned round. D said to mum it looks like you just threw this on the floor, mum that she had as she couldn't get it in. D sorted it all out and left mum with a cup of tea

Friday 30^th April

Went over to mum to get her ready as she was going out with D & D to Pashley Manor Tulip Festival and then they were taking her out to lunch, she looks well but her confusion is a lot worse today, I checked her purse and she only had £10 in it she had £75 in her purse on Tuesday, she had only been to the hairdressers and paid for her Friendship club outing but she should have more money left then that, but I had put some money away for emergencies so put that in her purse and told D that she had money in her purse.

She has lost her glasses (yet again) and we couldn't find them anywhere.

D told me that she had seen mum yesterday wondering around Budgens car park in the morning and when she asked mum where she was going she told D that she didn't know, but she was fed up with waiting for them, D assumed she meant Teresa so she told mum that she wasn't coming until the afternoon.

In the afternoon I phoned mums care worker at Social Services to get cover for Tuesday 11^th May as I've got a hospital appointment and will need someone to go in the morning to give mum breakfast and give her meds etc she said that she would phone carers and get it arranged. She also made an appointment to come and reassess mum on Tuesday 25^th at 9am

Daph, Dib and mum came in to us, mum wanted to buy me a plant as I couldn't go with them this morning, it was lovely she was very good but tired, I gave her a very weak glass of wine.