Welcome to my blog. My name is Lizzie and this is a diary of my Mums dementia, the people who I mention in my entries are John my husband, Michael my brother, Teresa my sister and Dib and Daph who are mums brother and sister-in-law.... It has been a hard struggle and I have written a diary all through every step of her progress deeper into the illness.




Monday, 14 May 2012

Battle with Social Services (24th July - 30th July 2010)


Saturday 24th July 2010

I saw Teresa at Emily’s birthday party she said that we should go and look at the care home in Ashford on Monday and The Priory at Pembury on Tuesday she would text me with the times

Monday 26th July

Had to phone and cancel mums foot clinic appointment as John not well, phoned mum to tell her she said are you coming over, I was just going to ring you!!! I told her that we would be over tomorrow.

Marie phoned from Town and Country to say she would be coming to do the carers assessment at 9am tomorrow.

Michael picked me up just before 1pm and we picked Teresa up and we went to have a look around Park View Care Centre in Kingsnorth, Ashford. The manager is Mrs Salome Erasmus, we were quite impressed with the care home, each resident has their own room with ensuite (loo and wash basin) the staff looked very caring and everyone looked well cared for and the home was clean and smell free!!

We had a long meeting with the care manager, she said that if we decided that mum would go there we should phone Sharon Hale at Social Services, who will get in contact with her and she will go and assess mum and then it would be about a week after that mum would be able to go into the home, they have a place coming free next week.

We decided to go and have a look at The Priory, Pembury next Monday (there is a top up fee of £33.00 per week at the Ashford Home).

Tuesday 27th July

Mums was asleep on the sofa when we got there (just after 8am) the back door was open, she was very confused and muddily, I got her breakfast and gave her medications to her, helped her have her bath and did a few jobs around the house.

Marie came for Town and Country to do the assessment.  I asked her if it could be added in mums care book that she need help with putting her tights on and to brush her hair in the mornings also could they give mum one of the cooked meals that are in freezer for her dinner as they are only giving her sandwiches and she isn’t have a hot meal a day, she was there about 2 hours.

Mum was really crabby today, she got quite nasty when she showed me some pork chops and said that we could have them for dinner today and I said that we didn’t stay for dinner but that she comes to us on Fridays, she said quite nastily ‘you are always making excuses’ I got a bit cross and told her that we always did something else when we left her on a Tuesdays.  Went to the supermarket and go her groceries for her and made sure she had enough money in her purse.

When I checked her shopping receipts I noticed that she had bought a bottle of wine yesterday and she had drunk ¾’s of it already.

When I got home I ordered some name tags to sew on mums’ clothes as everything has to be named when she goes into a care home

Daph phoned me and told me that mum had gone into Betts on Sunday thinking it was a week day, she had loaned mum her walking stick again as mum had forgotten hers.

Daph said that mum had been very off on Sunday, she had gone over and seen that Vic and Maureen were also there for lunch and she accused Daph of making her sit outside, of course she hadn’t ( we think that she was jealous that they were there and not just her on her own) .  Dib walked her home after lunch and found that all the doors were locked and mum didn’t have a key with her she had come out of the front door and let it lock behind her.

Daph phoned me at 8.30pm to say that mum was at her house and wanted to speak to me, she thought that it was morning and where was I, I told her that it was the evening and she said ‘that is what they are all saying here but I think it is the morning’ she then asked if I was coming over, I told her we had been over this morning, she couldn’t remember that we had been there, so I went through  with her all the things we had done that morning, bath, Marie from Town and Country coming in, shopping etc, she then said ‘Oh yes’ I told her we would see her again on Friday and that Teresa would see her Thursday.

I spoke to Daph again and she said that mum had said she wanted to talk to Michael but she said that she wouldn’t know what to say to him, Daph said of course you would he is your son. Dib walked mum back home and helped her get ready for bed, he left the landing light on and turned all the other lights on and made sure all the doors were locked, by the time he got home all the lights were off. 

I phoned Michael, he is going into mum with Teresa & Linda tomorrow, and they all think that we should phone Sharon Hale at Social Services about Park View care home and start the ball rolling, he will phone me tomorrow. 

Wednesday 28th July

Michael phoned and said that he had a word with Teresa and she said to ring Sharon Hale so she could sort out everything with Salome Erasmus at Park View, Ashford.  I phoned her and she told me that all the funding was in place for mum, she said that she would phone Salome at Park View and give her my details so that she could contact me about doing the assessment on mum.

She advised me that when mum goes into a home it would be best for Michael to take her as the son is usually the blue eyed boy of the family and it would probably be best if I left it for about 2 weeks before I go and see her as usually it is the one who has been doing the most for them who gets the blame for them going into a home. The home will bill Michael and Teresa for top up fees; she said would I phone when I know when mum is going into the home.

Sharon phoned back later in the afternoon and said that she had phoned Salome at Park View and didn’t think that she was ‘on the ball!’ and that it was a nursing home and not a EMI residential care home and that mum would not like it there.  I was a bit shocked at this; she said that she had found Salome, slap dash! She said that she didn’t remember me giving her the information and then said Oh yes, but she couldn’t find it at the moment.
I told Sharon that I was sure that it was an EMI residential as the residence we saw were suffering from dementia the same as mum, she said that she would phone and make sure as they would not fund a nursing home as it is not what mum requires and she would find out what the fees were but she said that she is sure it would be more than the £33.00 per week top up that we had been told.  John had a word with her to find out exactly what she meant.  I got a bit cross and asked her where else is available as Tusker House the home she advised to us is definitely not the home for mum and she had told us that Hartley House had a vacancy and they hadn’t, she said that there was a shared room coming up there but I told her we didn’t want mum to share.

I phone Park View but as it was after 5.30pm Salome the care manager had gone home, I spoke to someone on one of the wings and she told me that wings downstairs at the home were EMI residential and the ones upstairs were for EMI nursing care and that she was sure that the £33.00 quoted as the top up was correct.

I tried to phone Sharon Hale at Social Services but the offices were close for the day. John is going to phone Park View and Sharon Hale tomorrow.

Thursday 29th July

John phoned Park View, Salome not there, he spoke to the assistant manager, she confirmed that they are a residential EMI care home and the fees are £464.82 per week so the top up quoted was correct, he also told her what Sharon had said about Salome not being ‘on the ball’.

He tried to phone Sharon Hale but she was out of the office, he was told that she would be back between 1pm -5pm so he left a message for her to say he would be phoning her back. Sharon phone back as soon as she got in and John spoke to her, he told her that he had spoken to the care home and it was an EMI residential care home and the fees are correct and so is the top up fee of £33.00 per week, she said that Michael and Teresa would be contacted regarding setting up the payment details for the top up fees by the home and I will be contacted regarding everything else including the assessment, she said that everything is in motions and apologised of upsetting me.

Texted Michael and asked if he could pop in but he phoned me instead and I told him all that had happened, he said that he had said to mum yesterday about going on holiday and she asked if he was going to go with her and he said No, we were all going away and that she would be going on her own, she told him, well we will have to talk about that. He told me it was hard to leave her, I have been finding that for the last few months!

I phoned Daph and told her all about everything that had happened so she is kept up to date with what is going on.

Teresa phoned in the evening, she said that she had quite a day with mum, mum had wanted to go to bed at 3.30pm. Teresa had wanted to do some gardening in the front garden but mum had insisted it was night time and she would make to much noise, Teresa had said to her, mum it is only the afternoon and the children were still playing out, to which mum replied ‘well they should be in bed too’ She kept saying to Teresa, when is he coming, it’s so late, she meant Michael, when he arrived she told him that Teresa was so bossy.

Teresa said that it was defiantly time for mum to go into a home now

Friday 30th July   

John picked mum up just after 8am as when I phoned to remind her she was coming here for the day she told me that the carer had been, she was really, really muddily today and kept talking complete rubbish all the time.

I got the photographs out but she couldn’t pick out people only Michael and Auntie Nora.
We had lunch but by 2pm she wanted to go home, we left her in the front room with a small glass of Lambrusco

We noticed that she has drunk 3 bottles of wine this week!!!!  

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