Mums first week in the Care Home

Saturday 14^th August 2010

I phoned the care home, they said that Michael and Teresa had just left, mum was very confused and agitated, she had eaten her lunch and was in the dining room. I asked if she was OK when they left and she that that she had been fine

She had all her clothes out on the bed to pack, they had to take them away from her and only left one of everything that she needed in her wardrobe.  I told them that this is what she did at home, everyday she took all her clothes out and I would put them all back when I went over.

Teresa phoned and said that mum still says that she is coming home. When Teresa went to go mum said to her that she would see her on Saturday and Teresa had to tell her it was Saturday today, to which mum said ‘well I’ve been here for years’.

Teresa wonders whether mum would be better in the smaller unit that we had looked at when we had a look round, there are two ladies that bother mum, one who wails most of the time and one who stares, I said that I would ask Daphne when I phoned tomorrow, she is on duty from 8 – 4pm.  Teresa also said that when mum said about coming home she had told her that Dr Wood had said that she had to stay there for a rest and that it is her that mum blames and not me.

Teresa and Linda are going in on Monday and why didn’t I go in on Wednesday. I told her that I would stick to my original plan and go in at the end of the week ( I really don’t think they realise just how much the last 2 years have taken out of me!)

Sunday 15^th August    

We went over to mums and emptied the freezer and turned it off, took some gardening  tools out of the greenhouse and put them in the outhouse for safety we also took some pots of flowers home.

Phoned the care home and spoke to Daphne she said that mum was asking to go home this morning and had put all her clothes on the bed, she said that they were thinking of taking her wardrobe out of her room.  Because her clothes were all out on the bed she thinks that they all got muddled up and were sent to the laundry.

When mum said to her that she wanted to go home, Daphne told her that I had to go into hospital to have the operation on my knee and that there would be no one to look after her, mum said to her ‘well she hasn’t had it done yet!’ Daphne said the she changed the subject.  Mum is now fine and she is sitting in the dining room talking to 3 other ladies and they are chatting, there have been no tears, aggression or pacing up and down the corridors and she is acting like most people who first go into the home. One lady they had there was asking for 5 1/2  years to go home but sometimes they don’t mean the home that they had just come from but the one she was in when she was a child.

I asked Daphne about mum going over to the smaller unit and she said that they are very confrontational and argue a lot in that unit and don’t talk to each other, that’s why she thought that mum was better in Ash Unit.

I mentioned about the 2 ladies that bother mum and she told me that the lady that ‘wails’ is the only way she can communicate and that the lady that stares suffers from tunnel vision and that she was going into nursing care soon.

They are changing mum’s doctor to the care home one and that he goes in every Tuesday and Thursday morning but if mum needed a doctor he would be called in.  If mum ever had to go into hospital we would be contacted and a carer would be with her until one of the family got to the hospital.

I told Daphne about Teresa telling mum that Dr Wood had said that she needed to be there for a rest and she said that they would continue on that theme.

  

Monday 16^th August

When I phone the care home to see how mum was she was having a bath so phoned again later.  Jasmine told me that mum was fine, I spoke to her and she asked if I was going to take her home, I told her that, No, I couldn’t as Dr Wood has said that she had to stay there for a rest, she said that it is full of old people here and that she would get herself out and walk home, I told her that it was too far to walk home and she couldn’t do that’ I heard her shout ‘shut up’ to someone and  when I asked who she was shouting at, she said that the woman couldn’t talk properly and  I said to her, perhaps she wants to be your friend and her answer was,  well I don’t want to be a friend of her!

I told mum that we would be in on Wednesday and that Teresa and Linda would be in to see her later on today to see her she asked me who they were!

Tuesday 17^th August

We picked Teresa up from Cranbrook and John dropped us of at mums house, there was an awful smell in the house so we opened all the windows and doors, we cleaned out all the food cupboards and threw out all the out of date food, we then did out the cabinets in the front room and put all the photos in a bag to sort through later, we then went upstairs and sorted out the clothes in the wardrobes. Teresa took a lot of mums good clothes that were too small for her home with her to keep in her loft for mum.

We put all the documents and papers we found all together to one side so that we could all go through them with Michael.

We then went into mum’s bedroom and went through all her bits in her dressing table Teresa took mums expensive watch for safe keeping, she found the box that mum had got it in when she first purchased it.

While we were at mums John phoned the housing association who told him that we had 4 weeks to sort out mums house, we could have longer but we would have to pay the rent, we had to take everything out of the house including the carpets otherwise we would be charge for disposing of it.

Wednesday 18^th August

When we went into see mum we took a bottle of wine in with us which we labeled with her name and room number and also some cream cakes, tissues and biscuits.  We also took in the framed photos of her garden for her to put on the wall in her room.

The care home was easy to get to, we got there about 10.30am, John was really shocked that it was a secure unit, we have a code number to punch in before we can get out of the unit.

I spoke to Jasmine about the lady who wails all the time and she said that mums room was well away from hers so it shouldn’t bother her when she is in her room, she was having her eye drops put in when we got there, she was really happy to see us, she took us (with a little bit of help) to see her room, it looked a little bare without any of her ‘stuff’ in it, but it is a lovely sunny room.  She asked us if she was going home and we had to tell her that she had to stay a little longer, she said, who told you that, I told her that Dr Wood had told me, she said to me, you liar, you are making it all up. John told her that Dr Wood talks to the people in charge of the home and not to us, she seemed quite cheerful but kept on about her house.

The staff are really nice and we stayed for a couple of hours, when we left mum walked along the corridor with us, I gave her a kiss and she walked off to talk to a couple of ladies in the dining room.

While we were with mum her friend Lily phoned to talk to her, mum didn’t know who she was until I spoke to her and explained to mum who it was.

I gave Claire in the office £50.00 for mums ‘pocket money’ she had her hair done yesterday and would need other things and I didn’t want her to be embarrassed.

On the way home we talked about the home and decided that it wasn’t ideal but the only option at the moment but we made a pact that if she is really, really unhappy we would try and sort something else out, we could have her here for 5 days and the others could help at the weekends.

Thursday 19^th August

I phoned a couple of mum’s friends to tell them how mum was yesterday, Dib and Daph are going in to see her today.

In the evening we went over to mums to check on the house and see if everything was Ok (I felt a bit tearful walking in and she wasn’t there).  We then went over to D & D’s, they had been in to see mum today, they both thought that the home was very nice but not sure if it was the right place for mum! They said that mum was Ok and that they like her room, mum had taken then into the dining room and shown them the lady that she talks too, they stayed for a couple of hours.  Mum stood at the window and waved to them when they left.

Friday 20^th August

Michael phoned to say that he had received a letter from the care home saying that mum was on a 4 – 6 weeks trial to see if she settles and that she is right for the home and not to give up her house until then or do anything irreversible.