February 2nd - 13th 2010 - Mum is even more muddled

Tuesday 2nd February

Got to mums at 7.45am. When we got there mum had a chair in front of the garden back door as she said that she couldn't find the key, when we looked she had the key on the other side of door (outside) gave mum her breakfast and her medications, mum was quite good today, helped her have a bath, changed her sheets while John hoovered and polished 

In the afternoon Val phoned from Social Services from Wednedsay 10^th a carer will get to mums at 10.15am and get her ready and take her to Bowels Lodge, Valley Travel will bring her home,

I asked her about what we should do when the time comes when mum needs to go into a care home, she said we contact them and they come and reassess mum to see what care she needs, she said that it was OK to  start getting  info from homes but things may change regarding what care mum needs but when looking on internet for look for *E.M.I care.

If we need to phone Social Services ask for the duty officer and they will deal with any problems .

*E.M.I stands for Elderly Mental Ill or in firmed

 3^rd February 2010

I had a phone call from Bett (mums friend) to say that mum went into her in the morning, she had no shopping bag but her purse and umbrella in her hand and she said that she was going shopping to Budgens, Bett said to her 'but you haven't got a shopping bag' mum said that she could put her shopping it in that..pointing to her umbrella.

She asked Bett where she could get knickers in the village, Bett told her that there was no where in village that she could get any and it would be best to ask me when she sees me (I don't think that she meant knickers I think she was trying to think of something else but I don't know what it is)

 4^th February 2010

I phoned mum to say that we would be over later, she said that she couldn't get the TV to work and it must have been the men working in the house that broke it.(there hadn't been any workmen in the house but there were some builders building houses opposite her house)

When we got  over to her John found out that she had taken the plug out of the wall. When I checked her purse she didn't have a lot of money left, we checked all her shopping receipts and had a quick add up and think that it worked out OK (she had paid £13 for a bottle of wine!!)

While I was talking and she said that Char (her brother) hasn't been very well and that he was worse than everyone else, I had to tell her gently that Uncle Char had died over a year ago and she got a little upset.
 

She had two skirts on and when I tried to get her to take one off she said she needed two on in case it rained !!

We popped over to see her brother Dib  as it was his birthday and he said that yesterday the carer phoned to say that mum didn't have any hot water, when he checked it the boiler had been turned off, mum must have done it but she swears it wasn't her.so we had to put tape on the switch so that she couldn't switch it off at all.

6th February 2010 

Got to mum at 9.30am I did a few bits for her she asked John what we were doing today and he said 'Not a lot' so she said 'Are you going to take me out?' she didn't know what she wanted to do so we took her to Notcutts at Pembury then she came back to us for lunch, she wanted to go home at 2pm as she was very tired, noticed in the carers book that when they came in the evening she was in bed at 5pm

9th February 2010

Arrived at mums just before 8am got her breakfast for her and gave her medications, helped mum have a bath, John hoovered all over and dusted

As it was very cold we went to shop in the car,when I tried to get mum to put her gloves on she threw them in the washing basket and said 'I don't want to wear them' I got her to wear them in the end,  

When we got back I sorted a bit of washing and made sure her TV was on and got her some lunch before going. I reminded her that a carer was coming for her in the morning to get her ready and take her to Bowles Lodge. Both John and I think that she thinks she is going somewhere else as she is being picked up.

Wednesday 10^th February

When mum came back from Bowles Lodge day care centre she went to her brothers house and ask him 'Where is everyone at my house'  he asked mum what she meant mum said that there isn't anyone in, he said 'You live on your own now Ann'  and she said  'I know that'! 

She also said to him that when the carer dropped her at Bowles Lodge she asked her why they were stopping there as she wasn't going there today!  She was convinced that she was going somewhere else. Dib (her brother) took her home and got her a cup of tea, when he was leaving Deena the carer arrived.

Thursday 11^th February 2010

I tried to phone mum several times to tell her that we may not be able to get over as we had had lots of snow in the night and it was still snowing, got the engaged signal for a long time when I did get through to her Deena the carer answered and she assured me all was OK she was late getting to mum as she had to walk to mums as roads were so bad, she said that mum didn't have any heating, she had phoned Dib and he was on his way over she gave the phone to mum who was very grumpy she said 'I've been waiting for you,where are you' I tried to tell her about the snow and she said 'I know it's snowing' she then dropped the phone and Deena picked it up and finished the call for mum.

I waited for a while and phoned mums sister-in-law (Daph) , Mum had turned off the boiler in the outhouse again, she thought it was the outside light. Dib taped the switch on so that she cannot do it again

Phoned mum to see how she was at 1.30pm, I told her that we wouldn't be able to get over until tomorrow because of the weather and she said 'well I hope you do' (I felt really guilty) I asked her if it was warm now that the boiler was back on she said that it was much warmer now and how did I know about it. I told her I had spoken to Deena as she was late today and still there when I phoned, she said 'that was yesterday!' and then 'who is Deena' she said to me that's not her name, the conversation got very disjointed after that, I told her that she would be seeing another carer later, and that they would get her dinner and she said that there was no need as she would get it herself. I told her that I see her tomorrow. she was really grumpy and said 'Well I hope so'. 

Friday February 12th

We called into mum , she was just about to go up to the shop but we had to persuade her not too as it was very very icy, she said that the picture of that 'bloke' on the wall keeps moving (the picture was of a small flower)

Saturday February 13th 

Mum phoned in the morning in a very confused state, a few letters had arrived and she was really upset about them and would I go quickly and sort them out, when we got to her she was waiting by the door and gave me the letters, one was an appointment for her to see Dr Asprey ( as I had asked for copies of  appointment to be sent to me I all ready knew about the appointment)  and the other two were about her pension credit, I told her I would sort them out, she just kept asking me about the letters and got really agitated about them.

Mum had also lost her back door key had to hunt everywhere for it finally it was found in a drawer in her outhouse.

More muddly days!

24th January 2010

We got to mums about 10am she decided that she didn't want to go up to the shop so John and I went on our own, I took some home made meals over for her as noticed that this week the carers were only giving mum a sandwich in the evening, I left them a note to give her the meal left in the fridge put the others in the freezer. 

While we were in the village we saw mums best friend Bett and she said that mum went into her yesterday before she went to the hairdressers, she only had a light coat on and no hat or a stick with her (it was raining) and she also had no money with her!!! Bett lent her some money to pay for her hair and she walked with mum some of the way to the hairdressers, when Bett got back from being with mum she had a phone call from Daph to see if she had seen mum as she had told mum that she would walk up with her to the hairdressers.

Daph walked up to hairdressers and met mum and walked her back home. She helped mum find her purse when they got back as she had lost it, yet again

On Thursday mum had tried to get out of her garden gate but couldn't get it open a neighbour came out and helped her she said that she was going over to see Daph so he walked her over, when she got there she asked Daph if she had seen us ..( we had been over to see Daph and then gone back over to mum) she doesn't remember us going back over and said to Daph 'Well where was I then because I haven't seen them'

 26^th January 2010

We arrived at mums at 7.45am got her breakfast and gave her medication to her, helped her with her bath change her sheets and put washing in machine.

Mum had lost her purse,teeth and glasses. I found her glasses under her bed her purse in the front room but just couldn't find her teeth anywhere!!!!. 

When I first got to mums her french doors were wide open, the curtains were pulled across she was complaining that she was cold. I think that they must have been open all night!. I locked the doors and put the key in see through money bag with at note in and put it in a cup in the glass cabinet

mum also had two chairs by the back door and a walking stick on top of them she had put them there in case someone tried to get in the door.

I phoned Bowles Lodge to talk to them about mum not wanting to go anymore and they suggested they pick her up as she enjoys it when she is there. I said that we will give it a go

 27^th January 2010

 

Had a phone call from Joyce (lady who was picking mum up to go to Bowles Lodge) She couldn't find mums purse, shoes or keys..I told her a few places to look .. after a while she phoned back to say all was Ok she had found them

28^th January 2010

When we got to mum at 9.30am she said 'Thank goodness I want to go up the shop have nothing in!!' (Fridge,freezer and food cupboard all well stocked up)

She said that she saw her young brother (must have meant Dib when he was young) he was behind

her bedroom door laughing at her and she said that she shouted at him,' I know you are there go away' I told her she must have been dreaming.

She was determined to go to the shop, so John and me walked up with her, I went round the supermarket with her she really didn't know what she wanted and then just left me with the shopping and she walked out of the shop, saying to John 'Where is she' John said she's at the till paying for your shopping, mum said 'what does she want to do that for'

Talk with mums doctor ......

 19^th January 2010

Got to mum at 8am, gave her medication and got her breakfast helped her have a bath and then we changed her sheets together, John hoovered and dusted 

I took her to her doctors appointment at 9.25am. she has a mole or tag of skin on her back which she has complained about while I was washing her back. Dr Wood said that it could be removed but thinks that it would be best just to leave it at the moment, it could be a risk of infection if removed .

I asked about mums shaky hand and she gave mum a few little tests and assured me that it was not Parkinsons but something called intense (something!) !!! she could give mum more medication but at the moment would keep and eye on things.

While mum was having blood pressure and bloods taken by the nurse I had a long talk with mums doctor. Dr Wood and I asked her if mum has to go into a care home what do we do, she said that it has to go through mums care manager at Social Services,  but mum has to agree but she said it would be a good idea to start looking around before it becomes necessary, she recommended Hartley House as she had gone into see patients at all times of the day and night and everything and everyone is on the ball, she also said that Tenterden West View is very good, Iden Manor at Staplehurst is run by nuns but they have a lot of foreign workers so would not recommend it .

She would support us whatever we wanted to do.I told her I would really like to look after her myself but she said that it would be too much for me as mum would have to have someone with her all the time and if I went out she would have to be with me all the time and all doors at home would have to be locked at all times in case she went wandering.

Robert Heath phoned regarding mums heating, they wanted to cold call mum the next day between 12 and 5pm I asked them to please give me a more exact time as didn't want them to call on mum without anyone being there as she gets very confused. They said that they couldn't do that but we finally arranged for the chap to phone us 20 minutes before he got to mum and we could be there.

 Before we left mum at home I reminded her it was Bowles Lodge the next day and she was adamant that she wasn't going to go, Daph said that she would phone her in the morning to remind her to go!

I phoned Teresa (my sister) in the afternoon before she goes on hoilday to Australia to asked her what she would like to happen with mum and she said she would like to keep her at home for as long as possible and that we will all know when the time comes for mum to go somewhere, when and if mum starts wandering we would have to do something. She says that she feels mum would not agree on her own that she should leave her home. She agrees that when she comes home from Australia that she Michael (my brother) and myself should make an appointment at Hartley House and West View, Tenterden to go and have a look around, she also said that when she comes home that she will start going over to mums twice a week and Michael should do more! She thinks that he could help her in the garden

And so my caring starts....

I started caring for mum at the end of 2009 but didn't start a running diary until January 2010

12th January 2010

Got to mum at 8am got her breakfast and gave her medications to her.

I helped her have a bath (had to coax her today as not keen) 

Sorted out her money for her had to hide some as she keeps loosing it and getting in a muddle so just leave a little in her purse. I put some in a little pot in the dresser.  

I had to phone EDF regarding the new key for meter as the one sent was not registering they said that it had been sent by mistake.

13^th January 2010

Dib and Daph (mums brother and sister-in-law) were called by the carer as mums TV wasn't working, when they got over to her she had pulled the aerial out of the back of it.

Dib also looked at mums bedroom radiator as it wasn't working properly but couldn't fix it he also changed the light bulb in the lounge. When they got there mum was just putting her boots on to go up the shop which they persuaded her not to do as there was a lot of snow on the ground and it was very slippery, she didn't need anything but just likes to go out.

14^th January 2010

We went over to mum and her TV was not working again, the carer had put it on for her when she left at 8.15am and it was OK but when we went over at 11.30am it was not working on investigation we found that mum had pulled the aerial out when she had pulled the TV round. The telephone table was pulled away from the wall and all the contents were on the floor!

John phoned Robert Heath about the heating not working properly .

When we read the carers diary we saw that it was noted that mum was disorientated when she got there and mum didn't know where she was. While we were there I noticed mum waving when I asked her who she was waving at she said 'that little boy over there, he keeps smiling at me' I said that's a photograph mum and she said 'I know that'

16^th January 2010

When we got to mum she let us in she had 5 tops on and no skirt, when I asked her why she didn't have one on she said 'I do have one on it's a short one' (it was a petticoat) I said you can't go out like that she said 'I can do what I want!'. She had also lost her purse which we found in one of her handbags in the cupboard she has also mislaid £50 from her pot in the cupboard She told her carer that her son had taken her out on Friday which he hadn't done.

I went to Budgens and sorted her electric key for her, we found the missing money in a bag so sorted it out for her. She seems to have a fascination with the TV remote control and takes it with her all around the house she tried to take ours home with her.

18^th January 2010

Mum locked herself out she went out of the front door instead of the back door and closed the door behind her and she didn't have a key to get back in. Daph happened to see her and went to see if she was OK. Mum was really cold and wondered why she couldn't get back in.. Daph went and got her spare key

Getting the Carers started...

July 2009

I  spoke to Debbie at Town and Country homecare who employ the  carers and informed them that mums pills were starting to be trayed up by the chemist from the next Monday morning and that we had put them in a cupboard were mum didn't use so that she didn't try and take them herself

Social Services Finances came to work out how much mum has to pay towards her carers .It works out at £39.48 per week as she gets £47.10 per week Attendance Allowance which is paid in her bank. We filled out all the necessary forms for the payment to be paid by direct debit .

Mum suddenly decided that she does not want to go to Bowles Lodge for an extra day she only wants to go and Wednesdays so I contacted Bowles Lodge but they said that I had to contact Social Services which I did 

The start of the carers coming went much smoother than we thought and she got used to a couple of them and enjoyed their company and told me that they eat a lot of biscuits and drink a lot of tea!

August 2009

Received the bill from KCC for the carers but had to phone them as the direct debit hadn't been set up as not received the direct debit mandate from Tina Savage, Finance Department at Social Service..

Things seem to be falling into place, but I didn't realise how much organising there had to be done and continued to be kept an eye on.

September 2009

We got a phone call from mums sister- in- law saying that when the carer went into see mum in the morning, mum was laying on the floor and couldn't get up she was covered in mess, she was very confused and could not recall what had happened, she had called Daph (mums sister-in-law) and an ambulance,

When we got to mums house the ambulance was there, they decided to take mum to The Conquess at Hastings I went with mum in the ambulance. 

Mum was asked a lot of questions by the doctors and couldn't answer any of them correctly..some of her answers were very amusing...when asked who the Prime Minister was she said I don't know but I don't like him!

My brother and sister were contacted and they joined me at the hospital. 

We all stayed with mum and got home about 10pm. She stayed in hospital overnight and we phoned and John and I picked her up the next morning.

It was decided that mums blood pressure have dropped too much and the medications that she was taken to lower it were to be stopped. 

We all felt that mum had also a drink problem and had been secretly drinking bottles of whisky which  I found in different cupboards around the house..I spoke to mums doctor about it but she wasn't overly worried about it....

I told mum that the doctors had said that she shouldn't drink with the medication that she was taking and surprisingly she agreed but I kept a careful eye out for any hidden bottles!

Getting things done!

April 2009

Social Services came to see us to advise us what help mum could get at home, The help mum could get is as follows but it is depending on mum being assessed by them but they could provide the following duties after assessed.

Someone to cook her a meal

Help with dressing in the morning and bedtime

Medications

Putting to bed

Help with washing

But all would have to be discussed with the care manager

May 2009 

We went took mum back to see Dr Asprey her assistant Barbara took mum off and did some more simple test with her, she did not achieve as well as she did the time and Dr Asprey said that she was considerable worse that the last time she saw her

They wanted mum to do an extra day at Bowles Lodge and also 2 carers a day, one in the morning to make sure she took her medication (as most times she is forgetting to take them ) and then once again at about 4pm to get her a meal and take her pm pills

I was also told that she would contact Social Services but also said it would 'hurry' things along if I phoned them as well, she also said if I needed to talk to her at any time she was only at the end of the phone.

We also thought that it would be good for mum to have more company, so an extra day at the day care centre would help.

A social worker phoned and said that she would arrange another day for mum at Bowles Lodge day care centre, possible on a Monday. She would also come and reassess mum for carers but if mum opposed to having them they cannot force her to have them visit her.

 June 2009

Social Services phone to say that they would make a visit on the 15^th June 2009 at 1.30pm and would I write down all concerns and questions we would like to ask

Social Services came to talked to mum. Mum said she was very happy to go to Bowles Lodge for one more day a week so it was arranged for mum to go on a Thursday and then have a carer in for half and hour in the morning to get her a drink and breakfast plus give her a nudge to take her pills and then again for three quarters of an hour in the evening (about 4.30 – 5pm) for a meal and evening pills

I spoke to Town and Country homecare about carers and she made an appointment to come on the 23^rd June at 11am to talk about a care package. Also on the same day Social Service Finance department phoned to make an appointment for someone to call and see mum to go through her finances, again, to see how much mum would have to pay towards carers and to see if she is getting all the right benefits (Someone did come in October so don't know if they will have to come again) so have to wait for a call

I ordered a key safe for mum so that a key could be placed in it by front door so carers would always be able to get in the house . 

Town and Country homecare came and took lots of details to work out a care package. The care package she said that they would supply was half an hour 8am – 8.30 am and then three quarters of and hour 4.30 – 5.15pm she also asked it mum had a smoke alarm fitted and was concerned about all the mats on the floors, but it was hard to get mum to get rid of all the mats. They told me that the carers could not give mum her pills as they were not made up by my Aunt and not made up by the chemist they could only prompt her to take them. 

She left us with information about their services. It was decided that as I go over to mum on a Tuesday morning to help her have a bath that I would give mum her medications and the carer would only come in the afternoon.

I informed Town and Country homecare of the key safe number, I also asked that if we had mums pills made up by the chemist could the carers give them to her and they said 'yes' will I phone back as soon as I know that this would be the case

Next...The start of the carers visits

The start of changes for mum

May 2008

I got in touch with the benefits office enquiries about applying for Attendance Allowance and spoke to someone who said that he said he would send me the forms by return and the benefit would start from this date of the telephone conversation.

When the forms arrived I completed them and forwarded them onto Kate Allen at Highland House for her to completed their part to confirm mums condition and she send them to the correct office in the benefits department.

June 2008

We went with mum to the local electrical store in the village and picked out and paid for an electric cooker, which they delivered and fitted it for mum

Mum had her CT scan, John and I took her to, it was found that mum had two discrete areas of hypo-density on the left side and it was advised for mum to see Dr Tyrell and to be put on Asprin..We got an appointment to see Dr Tyrell on 15th September 2008

July 2008

Social Services paid a visit and advised that mum should have handrails down the front path and one just outside the back door to help her get up and down the two steps also he could arranged for mum to have a bath lift to make it easier for her to get in and out of the bath, and chair raisers for her armchair.

They said that they would arrange for someone from Town and Country housing association (who own mums house) to come and write a report and send it to them regarding the handrails and when it was passed by them, Town and Country would contact me to make an appointment to call this was done and handrails were fitted

September 2008

Mum had a neck scan to see it there were any arteries blocked. All was OK, also a cholesterol blood test was done which was a little high so she was put on 1 x 40gm simuastafin tablets.
 

October 2008

 

I had a visit from Social Services in October regarding going through mums finances just in case she has carers in the future or needs other help that they pay for. I filled out all the forms but they were not needed at the moment so they would keep forms on file

We took mum to another appointment at Highland House in Tunbridge Wells, her test showed a slight worsening in her condition and once again Dr Asprey suggested Carers and meals on wheels also going to Bowles Lodge (day care centre) mum agreed to try Bowles Lodge.

Dr Asprey sent a request to Social Services to arrange mum going to Bowles Lodge

Social Services visited mum and me they arranged for mum to go to Bowles Lodge on Wednesday's and I took mum up to have a look around and talk to the staff and other people that attended, when we got there mum found out that she knew quite a few of the staff and others there and she felt more comfortable about attending once a week. Mum would spend the day at the centre, doing activities and having her lunch and tea there.

The first time mum attended she had a lovely time and really enjoyed it she was made a fuss of and came home with lovely painted nails. (Mum has always loved being the centre of attention!)

We had a little mishap this month when mum decided to go shopping in Maidstone.

She was going to meet my sister at the bus station but when the bus came mum wasn't on it she had, by mistake, got off the bus at the stop before..my sister found her over an hour later... so no more bus journeys for mum.  

                                                                   Annie (Mum) 2008

        

Highland House, Tunbridge Wells

My Aunt and I took mum to Highland House, which is the mental health services for older people in Tunbridge Wells

We saw Dr Claire Asprey, she spoke to all of us for a while and then her colleague Kate Allen took mum off to do some simple tests with her.

The appointment took roughly 90minutes and we had to give Dr Asprey all Mums information i.e lists of all medications she was on. She confirmed that mum had Vascular Dementia and arranged for her to have a C T head scan she also asked Mum to consider having carers to help her cope, which of course mum was not happy about and she told Dr Asprey that she had me and my Aunt to help her , I was advised to apply for Attendance Allowance for mum.. 

It was also considered very important to change mums gas cooker to an electric one because a nasty accident was waiting to happen!.

Dr Asprey also contacted Social Service to arrange for mum to have changes in the house and garden to make her life easier. Also suggested we get a life line so that mum had a way of getting someone if she fell.

This we did and had one fitted and mum had an alarm on a cord that she could put round her neck. I also had someone come and check that her telephone wires were OK as she had trouble with feed back down the phone and also said that she could voices all the time

Mum never got used to the life line, when we asked her what would she do if she fell she said that she would shout loud!

Next .. Social Services pay a call

The start of Mums dementia

                                                             Annie Mary Bessie

This is the start of Mums diary....

Firstly we noticed that mums forgetfulness was more that just old age she had a test on the 24^th December 2007 by the nurse at the surgery and was referred to see Dr Denzil Edwards at the Mental Health Services for Older People at Highland House (Tunbridge Wells) on the 30^th April 2008..

She had got into a lot of confusion with her gas and electricity suppliers changing them at least 5 times which took a lot of time and effort to sort out. Every time she had a phone (cold call) call she changed her company just to get them off the phone as she couldn't understand what they were talking about.

She has also gone into Tunbridge Wells to have her eyes tested and when she went to collect them she had gone into the jewellers and got herself a new watch which she thought was £5 but in fact was £50 leaving her no money to pick up her glasses

I decided after the appointment with the nurse that mum needed more help with her  housework and finances at first she refused but then decided it was a good idea for me to help her one day a week