Wednesday 12 th May - Wednesday 19th May 2010 . Mums conditions worsening

Wednesday 12^th May 2010

I phoned mum to see if she enjoyed her outing, she said that she had a nice time but she didn't have any money left, so when was I going over, I told her that Teresa was going over tomorrow, and she said 'no she isn't'.

I phoned Teresa and she said yes she was going over and that she would check mums money and let me know if she had any left.

Friday 14^th May

Phoned mum to see if she was OK, she asked me if we were going over today, I told her that we would not be going over until tomorrow, she said that she hadn't seen anyone for ages and that she misses me when I don't go over. I explained to her that she did see someone every day. Teresa had been over to her yesterday and Michael had picked Teresa up and had stayed for a while, she said was that yesterday it seems ages ago. She then said that she had been over to D's and she had already told her that it was Friday and we were going over to her tomorrow (Saturday)

Saturday 15^th May

When we got to mums she was in a muddle, I helped her find her bra and put it on, she said that she wanted to go up to the shops, I talked her out of it as there wasn't anything that she needed.

Helped her peg her washing on the line and then we all went over to D & D's for coffee.

Got her some lunch before we left.

Sunday 16^th May

Nurse phoned from foot care clinic in Cranbrook to say clinic was being refurbished so he had made another appointment for mum on June 14^th.

Daph text me to say that mum had go to her at 10.30am for her lunch, after her lunch mum had said that she must get home to see to the animals, she argued with Daph when she said that she didn't have any animals.

Tuesday 18^th May

We got to mums early, she opened the door to us and said that she had lost her purse, so we spent the first hour looking for it, I found it in the drawer in her bedroom.

Got her breakfast and meds and then helped her have a bath, the house was very messy today so had to do a lot of housework, she asked me to cut her toe nails but I couldn't do it and told her that she had an appointment to have it done.

We walked up to the village did her shopping and I did some lunch for us all, including D & D, we sat in the garden as it was a beautiful day.

D & D told me that they are both very worried about mum as on Monday mum arrived on their door step in floods of tears because she said that she hadn't seen anyone for a long time and she was very lonely. Bett had also phoned them and was also upset about how confused she was when she went into her.

Mum wasn't happy when we told her we had to go.

Wednesday 19^th May

Teresa phoned me early evening to say that she wasn't going over until Friday this week. I told her that D & D and Bett were all very worried about mum, she was and has been more confused then ever and Dib had said to mum wasn't it time to think about going in somewhere that would look after her, mum said to her 'may be'.

Teresa had said that Michael had said to mum would she like to go and live in a hotel! Mum had said ' I don't know about that'. I told her that mum would love to go over to Michaels for a couple of hours some times, Teresa said that she would have a word with him on Friday. Teresa told me that she would phone mum about 10.30am in the morning, I told her that she should ring earlier but she said that no she would phone about 10.30am (hope mum is there and not gone out)

I phoned Daph to tell her that Teresa would be going over on Friday instead of Thursday in case mum goes over to her. She told me that when she came back from work, mums neighbour, Deirdre had called over to her she asked D if she had seem mum as she couldn't get in her front door when she had come back from the shop. Deirdre told mum that it would be best to go over and see Dib,

D was in the garden when mum got home so he didn't hear her, so they both went over to mum and mums back and front doors were both open and mum was sitting in her armchair, her shopping was still in her bag beside her chair, there were no keys in sight and D eventually found them in mums purse.

D put mums shopping away, they got her a cup of tea and sat her in the garden, they went over later and put the TV on for her.

D said that mums 5pm carer phoned to say that she couldn't lock mums back door, and that when she got there mum was in bed, she got her up and she had something on her top but nothing on her bottom half! She said to her 'Annie I think that you had better put something on!'

D went over and mum had closed all her curtains , D put her TV on for her, mum thought that it was morning and that she had been in bed all night!

I asked D if she would be with me when Social Services come on Tuesday to reassess mum and she said that she would

1st May - 10th May 2010.. Mums mind in a muddle

Saturday 1^st May 2010

Michael popped in re: mums eye appointment could I text him the time and date

Monday 3^rd May

Phoned mum to she if she was Ok she said that she was but sounded a little confused as usual, she was Ok about not seeing us until tomorrow, in her words she said that she was 'knackered'

Her glasses were still missing

Tuesday 4^th May

Got to mums just after 8am she still hadn't found her glasses but we found her old ones the cushion bit over the nose part was missing so took them up to the optician and they but new ones on for her, helped her with the usual household things. We also did out her food cupboard and threw out a lot of out of date tins.

Went up to the village and did her shopping and also popped into the chemist to get some cream for her knee as she is having a lot of pain in them.

Phoned the lady who runs the Friendship Club to find out about the outing and she told me that mum had got to be at Budgens at 5 to 2 and will be home at about 5.15pm but asked for a phone number just in case of any problems so I gave her D's

We sorted out some odds and sods in her front room, she really enjoyed looking through them, I managed to throw away some bits but she was reluctant to get rid of too much. We found a folder from her 70^th birthday that Len had written as a sort of 'This is your life' she really laughed at what he had written and said ' I wonder what he is doing now!'

Sorted out her TV again as she had unplugged it from the wall, also rubbed some gel (cream) into her knee for her

Before we left I got her a sandwich and a glass of Lambrini she was very tired.

In the afternoon phone Town and Country carers to ask if the carer could go in a bit later next Wednesday as mum was going on an outing, she said that they would go in after 5.30pm. I also asked them if they had got message from Social Services re; cover for Tuesday 11^th I spoke to Debbie and she said that she would phone them as they had nothing down for that date.

Friday 7^th May

Phoned mum to see if she was OK she said that she was but she hadn't seen anyone for two days. I told her that she had as Michael, Teresa and Linda had all been over , she said 'Oh yes they did'.

She was very confused again and told me that she wanted a wee and that she had been outside as she couldn't remember where to go. I paniced a bit and said to her 'you didn't do a wee outside did you' she said that she hadn't she just went outside! ..I said that she had a toilet upstairs, and she said 'Oh yes of course I have'.

Phoned D she was as work so she phoned me back later, she said that she hadn't seen mum much this week but would keep a look out for anything unusual, she said that a Pat mums hairdresser had seen mum up in the village in the supermarket looking very confused and was worried that mum would walk out without paying!

Saturday 8^th May

Mum was sitting watching TV when we got there, she had made herself a cup of tea but the water was in the kettle was cold so don't know how she made it, she said that she didn't go up the village yesterday, but then said that they wasn't anyone around yesterday so she went up to the shop! She said that she have bought something in a box and John was helping her look for it but not knowing what it was it was difficult!

We walked up to the supermarket and got some groceries and a birthday card for Michael.

Before we left we got mum a cup of tea she had go herself a cream doughnut, and left her watching TV

Still no sign of her glasses.

Sunday 9^th May

Phoned to remind mum that we would be over tomorrow (Monday) she said that no one had been over for her, I told her that D & D had gone to London for the day to meet up with some friends and that she wasn't going to them for lunch this week, she said 'Oh yes so they have' she was OK when I said that I had to go and seemed quite happy.

Monday 10^th May

Went to mums today as have hospital appointment tomorrow, did all the usual things that I do on a Tuesday, she complained that things were a bit tight round her tummy and when she was getting undressed to have her bath I noticed that she had 4 pairs of knickers on and 2 pairs of tights.

Rubbed gel into both of her knees as she said that they were painful.

Went up to the supermarket and go her shopping, when we got back I told her (several times) that Michael would be picking her up tomorrow afternoon to take her to her eye appointment, she said that she would write it down, but nothing made sense that she had written down so I asked her if she would like me to write it down for her, so I did and put it on the fridge.

She seems to have thing about cream doughnuts at the moment and gets 2 every time she goes to the supermarket, she is also seeing black flies everywhere again, (still cannot find her glasses!)

I told her I would phone D and let her know about Michael picking her up so if she gets in a muddle about things she would know what is going on

24th April - 30th April 2010.. Confusion, Confusion, Confusion

Saturday 24^th April 2010

Phoned mum to remind her that it's Sunday (tomorrow) that she is coming here for the day, she said 'where are you, I thought that you were coming over' I told her again that it isn't today you are coming over it's tomorrow, she said 'I've changed my clothes and I am all ready, tell them to come and pick me up' I asked her who she was talking about and she said whoever is there with you, I told her it was just me and John, she wanted to know what we were doing today, I told her we were going shopping. I told her again that we can't come today but would pick her up tomorrow (I felt really bad about it but must stick to what I have said) she said that she now felt bad and what would she do now, I said why didn't she walk up to the village or make a drink and sit in the garden, she was not happy!.

I told her yet again that we would pick her up tomorrow and she remarked 'well make it early'

I phoned Daph to warn her that mum might turn up on her doorstep.

Sunday 25^th April

Got to mums early, she was in the big bedroom looking out of the window. She looked well when she opened the door she said 'look I've found these' and pointed to her teeth!.

Apart from being very confused and unable to get a whole sentence out, she was fine. After lunch we said about going to the Garden Centre but she said that she would like to go home and go another day ( she mentioned the black flies everywhere again!)

We got her home at about 2pm she wanted to know when we were going over again. We left her watching TV and a glass of Lambrini.

Monday 26^th April

Daph phoned to say that mum had been up to her friend Betts and she wanted to go and see two of her other friends Lil and Freda, she was really confused, they had arranged to go together in the afternoon but mum had arrived at Betts at 10am.

Bett was really worried about Mum and had phoned Daph while mum was in the loo but had to ring off when mum came back in. So Daph phoned back and made the excuse that mums sister was over

and she wanted to see mum. In the end Daph and Mary walked up to Betts.

Mum went with Bett to see her friends and Daph went and picked her up to make sure she got back home again

Tuesday 27^th April

Got to mums quite early gave her meds and breakfast and then helped her have a bath. Did the usual housework and other bit and bobs.

We walked up to the village supermarket and did her shopping, I picked up her pension and kept some money back and put it into the bank for her.

We all went over to D & D's for lunch, before we left I left a note for the carer asking them if they could close mums bedroom windows before they leave in the evening as mum keeps opening them and then forgetting to close them, yesterday D saw them open and went over and shut them.

We left her watching the TV as she said that she was tired

Wednesday 28^th April

D phoned to say that mum's friend Bett had phoned her this morning to say she met mum in the village and she was very confused, she said that she was going to the hairdressers, Bett told her she thought that it wasn't until Thursday that she was going, but mum was adamant that Teresa had phoned her and told her it was today and she was also coming over today, Bett told mum that it was Friendship Club today, mum said that she couldn't go as Teresa was coming.

Daph phoned Michael, he phoned Teresa and she confirmed that it was Thursday that she was coming and not today.

Later on D noticed mum talking to a neighbour and pointing to D's house so she went out to see what the problem was, mum said that she had been over and there wasn't anyone there. Mum said she came over for D to take her to the Friendship Club, D told her that it was only 11.30am and that she had two and a half hours before she had to go, and told her to go and watch a bit of TV until it is time to go, mum said that she can't because it didn't work any more. D went over and the plug was out and on the floor and the TV was turned round. D said to mum it looks like you just threw this on the floor, mum that she had as she couldn't get it in. D sorted it all out and left mum with a cup of tea

Friday 30^th April

Went over to mum to get her ready as she was going out with D & D to Pashley Manor Tulip Festival and then they were taking her out to lunch, she looks well but her confusion is a lot worse today, I checked her purse and she only had £10 in it she had £75 in her purse on Tuesday, she had only been to the hairdressers and paid for her Friendship club outing but she should have more money left then that, but I had put some money away for emergencies so put that in her purse and told D that she had money in her purse.

She has lost her glasses (yet again) and we couldn't find them anywhere.

D told me that she had seen mum yesterday wondering around Budgens car park in the morning and when she asked mum where she was going she told D that she didn't know, but she was fed up with waiting for them, D assumed she meant Teresa so she told mum that she wasn't coming until the afternoon.

In the afternoon I phoned mums care worker at Social Services to get cover for Tuesday 11^th May as I've got a hospital appointment and will need someone to go in the morning to give mum breakfast and give her meds etc she said that she would phone carers and get it arranged. She also made an appointment to come and reassess mum on Tuesday 25^th at 9am

Daph, Dib and mum came in to us, mum wanted to buy me a plant as I couldn't go with them this morning, it was lovely she was very good but tired, I gave her a very weak glass of wine.

17th April - 23rd April 2010 . Never a dull moment!

Saturday 17^th April 2010

Mum was just coming out of her back door when we got there, she said that she was going up to the village, she knew that we were going over, She seemed well and quite 'with it' a definite improvement from when we saw her on Tuesday.

We sat out in the garden it was lovely sunny morning, while we were sitting in the garden she told me that she thought that she was getting better, I said to her 'that's good, do you feel better' and she said yes she did but she said it is very quiet when everyone goes and she is on her own but she really liked it when we went over. I find it really sad when she says things like that.

She came back to our house for lunch and on the way over we stopped in the farm shop and she got a plant for the garden, we took her back about 3.30pm. I took her over some home cooked meals and put them in the freezer as she is eating mainly sandwiches. I left a note for the carers that the meals are in the freezer and would they try and get mum to have them instead of sandwiches.

We got her a very weak wine and put the TV on for her before we left

Tuesday 20^th April

Did the usual things for mum, gave her breakfast, and her medications helped her with her bath and when she came down from getting dressed I noticed that she had her bra on like a belt around her waist, she had also not put any knickers on, she had her tights on and then put her knickers over the top.

I walked up to the village with mum, while we were walking around the supermarket mum told me that she had got some of that stuff yesterday but had dropped it on the way home, I asked her what she had done with it and she said that she had just left it there... ( I had found a receipt for a bottle of wine and had looked in the cupboard for it and couldn't find it so that was that mystery solved)

John picked us up and we sat in her garden and had tea and biscuits it was a really lovely warm day

We got her a sandwich for lunch and got a meal out of freezer for the carer to give her for her dinner.

D phoned in the afternoon to say that she had someone knock on her door yesterday to say that they had walked down the road with mum and that she had dropped her bags and something had broken but mum wouldn't let them look to see what it was, so she went over to mum and found it was a bottle of wine, mum had the bag on the table trying to save some! D wrapped it up and put it in the bin.

Later on in the afternoon mum went over to them again and asked when that thing was on that she liked, she meant the Friendship club, they told her it was Wednesday and that she was going on an outing with the club soon and needed to take £6 next week, they then took back home as the carer was due to arrive.

Thursday 22^nd April

I phoned mum in the morning she seemed fine, she told me that T. had phoned her to remind her that she was going over to her today to do some gardening for her and told her not to go out until she got there

T. phoned in the afternoon to say that mum was confused as she thought she was going out soon and she didn't know when. I told her that she was going out to tea with the Friendship club, the card was on the pin board and the date that she was going was on there.

Friday 23^rd April

Had a phone call from Andrew late afternoon to say that mum was with him and that she was very confused about tomorrow, when I spoke to mum she said that my other brother had gone out and we were going too, I told her that I only had one brother and that was Michael, she said I know that. She said that she was coming to us tomorrow and I told her no she was coming to us for the day on Sunday and we would pick her up but she keep on asking me if I was going tomorrow, I told her no I wasn't as I had to go food shopping to get food for Sunday, then she started rambling on again about my other brother and that he was going out with someone, I finally worked that she meant Laura and John, they had been out for the day taking photos and I had told her about it. Once we had sorted everything out she calmed down and said to Andrew 'right I'll go home know' he took her home.

I explained to Andrew what she had been rambling about he said that she would probably forget all about coming over and would be back later !!!

12th April - 16th April.. Should we start looking at Care Homes!

Monday 12^th April 2010

Went to B & Q today to get mum a new mower we decided to get her one that collects the grass in a box at the back so that she doesn't have to rack the grass cuttings up.

D phoned to say that they had taken mum out today, they had gone to Bexhill which she really enjoyed and that is the area that she was brought up, they also had lunch out.

Tuesday 13^th April

When we arrived at mums we couldn't get in as she had put the chains on all the doors and she couldn't remember how to take them off, she had also lost the back door key, (it took us nearly 2 hours to find the key, it was in the drawer in the outhouse) after about 15 minutes she finally worked out how to take the chains off and get the door open, by that time she was really confused, and was rambling about someone coming in to her and telling her that she was being very noisy and must be quiet.

In the carers book it said that yesterday when the carer came she wasn't in so the carer waited in her car outside the house until mum came home, mum couldn't remember where she had been

She kept on about the black flies everywhere and kept trying to swot them with her hand. I helped her have a bath and did some housework and jobs that needed doing.

I walked up to the village with mum and we did her shopping and when we got back we went to D & D's for lunch.

I phoned Teresa (my sister) to tell her about mum and the flies, she said that mum had mentioned seeing them to her but she couldn't see any but later on she did see a fly so didn't take much notice.

I phoned mums doctor to have a word with her about mum ( the doctor has a letter signed by mum allowing me to talk to the doctor on mums behalf) she wasn't there as she was on holiday, the receptionist booked a call back from the doctor for Monday when she is back she suggested that I phone Dr Asprey who is mums mental health doctor.

I phoned Dr Asprey she was in clinic all day and would phone me back.

Wednesday 14^th April

Dr Asprey phoned me and I told her about mum seeing the little black flies everywhere she said that it's not uncommon as mums brain sees things and doesn't really make sense of what she is seeing so she says she is seeing flies. She told me that she wasn't too worried at the moment and she doesn't want to give her any medication as she is sure that it will slow down, but if it does get to the stage that mum is running out of the house because of the flies etc I must get back to her and she would give me more advice.

Dr Asprey did mention a residential home, once again, she said that a lot of times these things happen because she is on her own and things like hallucinations settle down when there are other people around her all the time.

Phoned T to tell her about the phone call to Dr. Asprey she wan't in so left her a message on her answer phone, I also phone D and told her about my call to the doctor and what was said, she said that she saw mum going up the road this morning, she hadn't brushed her hair or put her teeth in and her coat was done up the wrong way, she said that she was going up the road for something but didn't know what.

I phoned her friend Bett she told me that mum had been into her in the morning and she had told her about the flies.

Friday 16^th April

Phoned mum to see if she was Ok she said that she was fine but asked if we were going over to her today, I told her that no we were going out today but we would see her tomorrow

T. phoned to say that mum was fine yesterday and she thinks that all the new things she has got were brought by John and she said to her 'isn't he good'. While they were talking she told T that she was sure that she had more that 3 children, T. has talked to M about mum and he doesn't think that she is too bad. I told T that we should start looking at more homes and she agrees. M. seems to think that it is not always possible to get into a home and go on their list.

Phoned Social Services to see exactly what we have to do regarding mum going into Residential care they informed me that mum has to be reassessed and then it is put to a social services panel, a financial adviser would come and go through mums finances re: funding, Hartley House care home is closest but she is sure that West View would be OK . It is fine to go and look at homes but if it became an emergency and mum needed to go into a home urgently they would help us fine a placing for mum.

Mums care manager told me that just because Dr. Asprey says mum should be going into a home they would have to reassess her to see if there is anything else they could do to keep her at home.

She told me that it would be a good idea to get any written reports from Dr Asprey to pass on to Social Services. She told me that someone would phone me regarding reassessing mum to see if there is anything else that they can do to help me.

Phoned D later on in the day she said that mum had been over to to them and mum was very confused, D could not understand when she was trying to tell him so he went over to her house with her and it turned out that she had all her keys in her pocket but couldn't work out which one opened the front door.

2nd April - 10th April 2010... Signs of Dementia worsening

Friday 2^nd April 2010

Had a phone call this morning from D saying there is someone here who wants to talk to you, It was mum, she said to me I like that round your neck I asked her what she meant and she said your necklace I like your necklace, I said mum we are on the phone you can't see my necklace!.

She said that she had been looking for me, I told her that we would be going on tomorrow, I asked her where she thought I was and she said she thought that I was dead (it's really upsetting to hear that in her mind she thinks that I am dead and that is why she couldn't find me)

She asked me what time we were going over tomorrow because she was going to see ermmm …. I worked out that she meant Lissa (granddaughter). I told her that she was going to see Lissa on Sunday.

When I spoke to D she said that mum had gone over to them and asked them for Teresa's phone number, D told her that she didn't have it, mum then said 'no not her but ….' D then asked her if she meant the one who does things for her, mum replied Yes that's the one.

D had told J that mum had said, really nastily, that if they don't want to come and see me they don't have to.. Andrew got really cross with her and said to her 'Auntie Ann that really isn't fair to say that'

D also told us that mum had been along to her neighbours Pam and Shandy for coffee as they had seen her going to the shops, which were closed in the village as it was Good Friday, so they took her to their house for a coffee

Saturday 3^rd April

We got to mums just after 9am she said to me straight away how sorry she was for ringing me yesterday but she was sure that she hadn't seen me for a very long time, she was already to go out, she had her bag, stick and coat ready on the chair and she asked me if she looked all right because she didn't know what to put on, I said to her that she wasn't going out until tomorrow (Sunday) she said that she was sure that it was today that she was going.

We went up to the village in the car and she got a few thing in the supermarket, we did a few jobs for her when we got back and left her some lunch for her to have later.

Saw Linda (brothers wife) when we went shopping in the afternoon and I mentioned about when they pick mum up could they remind her that she need to take the basket of Easter eggs with her to Lissa's for the children, she looked a bit surprised as she didn't realise that mum was definatly going with them, she told me not to worry as she would sort it out.

I phoned mum to remind her that she wouldn't be picked up until lunchtime tomorrow, I don't know if it sunk in or not, she told me that a little book had arrived in the post like the one I got, I told her to put it somewhere safe and I would sort it when we came over, she said OK I'll put it in my bag.

Monday 5^th April

I phoned mum to see if she had a good time yesterday, she said yes but she had missed me, she said that the driver had picked her up (my brother) and said that they had gone to the farm!

She enjoyed watching the little boy (Frankie) she told me that she got home at 12 but not 12 midnight. I told her we would see her tomorrow.

Tuesday 6^th April

Did all the usually things for mum, bath, housework and changed bedding and we walked up to the supermarket in the village, we got her shopping and John picked us up in the car.

Had a sort out in the lounge she had lots of bit and bobs around, Mum wasn't too bad today just a bit crochety! Got her a sandwich for her to have for her lunch and also gave her a watered down lemonade and wine

I took some of her pension to pay into her bank account as she seems to be losing money everywhere.

Thursday 8^th April

Ordered mum and new hoover and kitchen bin which arrived today will take it over to her on Saturday

Saturday 10^th April

Took the hoover and bin over to mum she was so pleased and though that John had brought them for her and told him how good he was to her.

We had a drink with her before bringing her to our house and all the time she kept saying that there were little black flies everywhere but we couldn't see any. She enjoyed listening to the 60's music and watching Darling buds of May on the TV, we looked at lots of old photos and I told her my children's names as she couldn't remember them she got very confused and said 'you have got lots of children'. I had to explain to her that she was looking at Matthew and Laura (my children) photos of them growing up.

On the way home we took her to the Garden centre, we got her home about 2pm we got the new hoover out and she asked me if I didn't want it then, I told her that it was for her which she got very confused about, I told her we would sort it out when we come over on Tuesday

25th March - 30th March 2011

Friday 25^th March

Michael picked me up at 1.30pm, I thought that Teresa would be there too but she doesn't get back from Australia until later in the day.

We had a look around West View, Tenterden we were not quite sure on first impression. The staff were very nice and the room were roomy and had a large shower room and loo, Sarah who showed us around said that mum was in fact out of the area but if we told Social Services that we would like mum to go there she said that it may be possible for mum to go . She explained that it is a top up home, meaning that the fees the government are prepared to pay were not enough to cover the care home fees so the rest has to be topped up by the family. If mum d id go there and our circumstances change then we would have to find another placement for mum....

They are free to move where ever they like in the unit and in the summer there is an enclosed garden with nice plants, seats with plenty of shade, they also have pet rabbits and a cat. They do plenty of activities. Singing. Word search as a group of with staff.

Michael told me that he didn't go into see mum yesterday as she was expecting because he had fallen asleep, I told him that I had told her that he was going over and that she had probably been waiting for him to arrive. I asked him to phone mum when we got home and he said that he would

Some points to ask when visiting future homes:

How many staff are on in the evening (there should be 2 on)

Are they free to move about where them want to

Can we visit any time of the day.

Also – smell, how does it smell when you walk in!

Saturday 26^th March

The carer phoned to say she couldn't find mums lifeline pendant she said that she had looked in all the usual places – I told her we would look for it when we go over to mums .We got to mum at 9.30am, the carer had found the lifeline and mum had it on.

We took mum to the garden centre, she got a couple of plants and then we took her home, she said 'Oh I thought that I was coming to your house for dinner' I got her some lunch with a glass of very watered down wine! and told her we had to go

Tuesday 30th March

Got to mums at 8.30am did the usual things, help her have a bath and several jobs around the house that needed doing.

Teresa rang and ask me to make an appointment for mum to have her hair cut, which I did, she is going to buy some hair rollers so that when she come over she can do mums hair as mum doesn't like going to hairdressers any more, which is strange as she has always gone to the hairdressers every week for years.

We walked up to the village and did some shopping and I helped mum put it away when we got back, we had tea and cake with her and I left her a sandwich for later she was very tired and said that she would have a sleep. I left a note to ask the carer to remind mum about the Friendship club tomorrow

I let Teresa know that I had made a hair appointment for mum and then phoned D and told her about it too

Deena (the carer) rang to say that when she got to mums mum was reading the care book and that she was nearly in tears about what was written in the book i.e things that had to be done for her, she said to Deena that she wasn't stupid. Deena explained to her that the carers had to write down that they have given her the medications etc and she made a joke about it and mum was fine when she left.

I phoned mum, she asked me how long I would be when I had it done! I think that she mean my knee (I am having a knee replacement). I told her that I didn't know yet when I am having it done so that she wasn't to worry about it, she said that Teresa was home but she hadn't been to see her, I told her that she had been over to see her yesterday for the day, but she couldn't remember her coming. She asked me several times about when she has got to go and have her hair cut, I told her that it was Thursday and that she wasn't to go anywhere until Teresa arrives.

I didn't mention the care book and neither did she

18th March - 24th March 2010 Life is getting sadder for Mum

Thursday 18^th March

Didn't sleep well last night worrying about mum, phoned her to tell her that I wouldn't be over today as I was going out with a friend for coffee but John would pop in and see her. I asked her if she went to the Friendship club she said that she had and had a lovely time and really, really enjoyed it but she said that she had been silly and had gone much too early, she told me all about getting fish and chips and sitting on the bench and Daph picking her up and that she had been in a state!

John went over and did a bit of gardening for her, he stayed with her for a couple of hours, she was very happy that he was there and when he left she was in the front garden.

I phoned Hartley House care home to make an appointment and they told me that we didn't need one, just to turn up. I asked if there was a time when it was difficult, she said that breakfast was 9am and lunch was from 1pm, and those times were busy. I told her that we would go in either next Wednesday or Thursday (24^th / 25^th) . I asked if mum could go on a waiting list and was told that mum would be assessed by them before going on the list. They don't have any places available at present, they also do respite care and day care.

Michael phoned West View and got an appointment next Friday (26^th) at 2pm they told him that they only had 6 on the waiting list.

Saturday 20^th March

Phoned and told mum that we would be over in the afternoon she said was I better as I didn't go in on Thursday, I told her that I was fine and that I didn't go in as I had met up with a friend and gone out for coffee, she said that I hadn't been in for a long time but thingy had been in yesterday, I later found out she meant Michael. I told her that Teresa would be back from Australia soon, she said yes but I still want to see you.

We got over to see her about 3pm and she was pleased to see us, we noticed that she was very flushed, I picked up 3 cups and glasses in the front room, one of the cups had wine in it, I looked in the cupboard and she had got herself another bottle of wine, I topped the bottle up with lemonade and wrote in the carers book that was what I had done.

I took her over some home made meals and put them in the freezer so that I know she is getting proper meals ..She said to John that, this is the problem tapping her head, he said your memory? She said 'yes' He told her that is why she has to take her tablets everyday, she remarked 'well they aren't working. It makes me so sad to see her like this.

Mum said to John it's funny that Michael's name is Michael, when he asked her what she thought that his name was she said Lee (which was her maiden surname)

Daph told me that mum had gone up to the village and when she got back she couldn't get back into the house and had gone over to them, Andrew went back over with her and had managed to get the front door open for her he wasn't sure why she hadn't been able to get in.

Before we left John got her a very watered down glass of wine.

I saw a note in the carers book that mum had told them that she hadn't seen anyone on Thursday. I wrote beside it that, yes she had, John had been over with her for a couple of hours helping her in the garden!

Tuesday 22^nd March

Mum not to bad this morning, muddly but that's just normal, she helped me do a few jobs around the house and I helped her get into the bath so she could have a soak.

We walked up to the village. We got a bit of food shopping and she got a couple of plants in the shop, when we got back John helped her plant them in the front garden.

Before we left I got her a sandwich and she said that she would have it later as she was very tired and said that she would have a snooze in her chair she wanted a glass of wine so John gave her a very watered down one...

Thursday 24^th March

We got to mums at 9.30am she was all ready to go out, we hadn't told her that we were going anywhere today! We all went over to D & D's for coffee and cake, but after she finished her cup of tea she said that she wanted to go. D asked her why she had two tee shirts on and she said because she thought that she was going out, we stayed for another cup of tea and then took her home.

Mum asked John when are you coming over again and he told her we would be over on Saturday and she said ' Oh good perhaps we can get those things then' so John told her that, OK on Saturday we would go to the Garden Centre.

Michael phoned re: going to look around Hartley House, his car was in the garage and asked if John could pick him up but John was out with the dog and would be out for a couple of hours so we decided to leave going to look around until he comes back from his sking holiday. He said that he would pick me up at 1.30pm tomorrow so that we could look around West View.

Mum phoned about 3.30pm to say what had we done to her TV as it wouldn't work. John said that she was surprised to hear his voice, he told her he would phone D and see if he could pop over and have a look, I think that she thought that is who she had phoned. Phoned D and they went over, when they phoned back they said that mum had turned the sound right down by mistake.

16th March - 17th March 2010..Things are starting to get tense !

Tuesday 16^th March

When we arrived at mums I gave her breakfast and her medication although she insisted that she had already had her breakfast, I helped her have a bath and did a few other bits and bobs around the house that needed doing and then we walked up to the village, she insisted that she didn't have any money so I left her with he with £65 in her purse.

When we left her she was happily pottering around the garden and for once she was quite happy about us going.

In the evening I had a phone call from Deena (the carer) asking if I knew anything about mum going to the Friendship club, I told her that mum had said about it and that she was going to talk to her friend Lil about it and who she had to ask about joining. I had offered to phone her but mum was adamant that she would do it herself so I left it at that.

Deena then apparently phoned Lil who then in turn phoned Daph, who then phoned me, I thought it was funny and said 'blimey the bush telegraph works fast' When Daph told me what was said, I replied something like 'well that isn't exactly what was said' meaning carer not Daph

Wednesday 17^th March

While I was out shopping with Laura (daughter) John had a phone call from Daph saying that she was very upset about the way I had spoken to her yesterday! John spoke to Dib who was also cross and said that the best thing to do was not to phone us when there is a problem John was really puzzled by the whole episode, they told him that the best thing to do was for the three of us, meaning Teresa, Micheal and Me, to get together and sort things out and that I couldn't be protected by everything, (that still puzzles me now!)

I phoned Daph when I got back from shopping and said that I was sorry that I had upset her and that it wasn't intentional she was OK with me but said that it had upset her. I think that one of the problems was that I had spoken to Deena and not mentioned it to her, I thought that it wasn't necessary to tell her as I thought that she was aware of what we had spoken about. I think that we are all getting tired and upset over things that are said and taken out of context.

She also said that mum had been up the village to see her friend Bett at 8.30am. Bett had kept her there until 10.30am and then mum had insisted on leaving she then went and got fish and chips where Dib saw her sitting on the seat in the village eating them, when he got back home he told Daph and she went and found her at Copthall Avenue as that is where the hall is for the Friendship club meet she picked her up and took her back to their house, Daph said that she was in a terrible state when she found her, she had her fish and chips screwed up in a ball in her handbag.

She asked Daph the time and when she told her it was 1pm mum said 'you are not telling me the truth and how do you know anyway' Daph pointed to the clock and mum said 'Oh that's good, I haven't got any of those in my house!'

I think that what had happened is that Mum had not known the time and didn't want to miss the club meeting.

They took her to the Friendship club and ask if she could be pointed in the right direction to come home!

I had phoned at 1.15pm to remind mum about the club not knowing all this had happened but of course she had already left..

John phoned Michael and asked him to pop round so that we could have a talk about what we should do about mums future, we decided that we should make an appointment at Hartley House and West View at Tenterden, I would phone Hartley House and he would phone West View.

Michael phoned Daph in the evening and had a little talk with her.