Saturday 21st August - Sunday 29th August 2010

Saturday 21^st August 2010          

I phoned the care home and spoke to mum, she sounded very tired and a bit down today, she said that she was bored, we chatted for about 10 minutes.  Jasmine said that she had eaten her breakfast and that all was OK.

Michael and Teresa were going in to see her today.

Sunday 22^nd August

Phoned Michael to see how mum was when he went into see her yesterday, he told me that when they got there she was in her room and just going to get into her bed, she said that she needed a rest as she was tired.

They stayed for a while and when they left she walked to the end of corridor and said she would go back to her room as she was tired, they had left her TV on for her.

We went over to mums house to check everything was OK; everything was fine, although we noticed that the back gate was wide open.

Monday 23^rd August

We went into see mum and she looks really well, she had just had a bath and she said that she had really enjoyed it, she only mentioned her house once.

We took her out in the garden as it was a lovely day; we had a look around at all the flowers and roses and then sat in a really nice sunny spot for about ½ an hour or so.  We went back inside and sat in the dining room for a little while and then we took her back to her room, when we went to go she asked us what were we doing today and that she might as well come with us, I told her that she couldn’t and she seemed OK with that.We had parked the car right outside her room window and she waved to us as we left.

I texted Michael, Teresa and Daph to say that we had been in to see mum today.   Teresa phone and said that she was going in with Lissa tomorrow and she is also going over to mums house later in the week.

Friday 27^th August

Phoned the home and spoke to mum she was making cakes in the dining room. She was really pleased that I had phone, she sounded really good when we first started talking but after a little while she got really confused, she didn’t sound unhappy.  She did ask about Christmas and I told her that she would be going to Michaels as she always did.  I told her that I would be coming in on Sunday with Laura, she asked when Michael would be going in and I told her I thought that he would be in tomorrow (Saturday).

I phoned regarding mums pension, pension credit and attendance allowance, mum continues to get paid in full for 28 days after moving into a care home.  If mum stays in the home she does not have to have a power of attorney but she must have a ‘Appointee Officer’ who can talk on her behalf, a visiting officer would visit mum and the person appointed to deal with mum pension, she suggested that it would be a good idea if I did it as I was already dealing with mum pension for her. Mum would be assessed to see what benefits she is entitled to.  This can be paid into mums bank account, my bank account or straight to the care home.  A letter would be sent to me with the appointment date

Sunday 29^th August

Laura and John took me into see mum she was looking out of the dining room window, she was really pleased to see us, we all kissed her, she looked at John (C) and said aren’t you going to give me a kiss, when he did, she looked at him and said ‘do I know you!’. She did say that someone was missing and I told her that John hadn’t come in with us today. She looked well but was very muddily today. Laura was quite surprised quite how bad she had got lately.

She kept saying that Michael had been into see her, Laura had taken in some home made biscuits in for her with is enjoyed, she ate 3 while we were there. Her bed had been stripped as she had wet her bed, but this didn’t seem to have bothered her. One of the cleaners told us that she was shampooing the carpet and sorting mums bed for her.

We went along to the dining room with her as she was about to have Sunday lunch, she went over to one of the other ladies and started to chat to her.  Mum seems to like the male carer called Mervyn and had a little laugh with him. John © had a chat to the other ladies that were in the dining room.  I didn’t realise just how much the old ladies love the men!!!!

I took in one of her cushions and few other bits from her house for her and asked if mum could have some pictures put up on her wall in her room and they said that she could and they would get their handyman to put them up for her.

I asked if we could take Herbie our dog into see mum and they said that well behaved dogs were always welcome.

Mum was quite happy when we left she hadn’t asked about her house once while we there.  Daphne the care manager came into the dining room before we left and told us that mum had stopped asking t go home and that she had settle well, the only thing that mum did keep mentioning was about Christmas.       

She was fine when we left  

                   

Mums first week in the Care Home

Saturday 14^th August 2010

I phoned the care home, they said that Michael and Teresa had just left, mum was very confused and agitated, she had eaten her lunch and was in the dining room. I asked if she was OK when they left and she that that she had been fine

She had all her clothes out on the bed to pack, they had to take them away from her and only left one of everything that she needed in her wardrobe.  I told them that this is what she did at home, everyday she took all her clothes out and I would put them all back when I went over.

Teresa phoned and said that mum still says that she is coming home. When Teresa went to go mum said to her that she would see her on Saturday and Teresa had to tell her it was Saturday today, to which mum said ‘well I’ve been here for years’.

Teresa wonders whether mum would be better in the smaller unit that we had looked at when we had a look round, there are two ladies that bother mum, one who wails most of the time and one who stares, I said that I would ask Daphne when I phoned tomorrow, she is on duty from 8 – 4pm.  Teresa also said that when mum said about coming home she had told her that Dr Wood had said that she had to stay there for a rest and that it is her that mum blames and not me.

Teresa and Linda are going in on Monday and why didn’t I go in on Wednesday. I told her that I would stick to my original plan and go in at the end of the week ( I really don’t think they realise just how much the last 2 years have taken out of me!)

Sunday 15^th August    

We went over to mums and emptied the freezer and turned it off, took some gardening  tools out of the greenhouse and put them in the outhouse for safety we also took some pots of flowers home.

Phoned the care home and spoke to Daphne she said that mum was asking to go home this morning and had put all her clothes on the bed, she said that they were thinking of taking her wardrobe out of her room.  Because her clothes were all out on the bed she thinks that they all got muddled up and were sent to the laundry.

When mum said to her that she wanted to go home, Daphne told her that I had to go into hospital to have the operation on my knee and that there would be no one to look after her, mum said to her ‘well she hasn’t had it done yet!’ Daphne said the she changed the subject.  Mum is now fine and she is sitting in the dining room talking to 3 other ladies and they are chatting, there have been no tears, aggression or pacing up and down the corridors and she is acting like most people who first go into the home. One lady they had there was asking for 5 1/2  years to go home but sometimes they don’t mean the home that they had just come from but the one she was in when she was a child.

I asked Daphne about mum going over to the smaller unit and she said that they are very confrontational and argue a lot in that unit and don’t talk to each other, that’s why she thought that mum was better in Ash Unit.

I mentioned about the 2 ladies that bother mum and she told me that the lady that ‘wails’ is the only way she can communicate and that the lady that stares suffers from tunnel vision and that she was going into nursing care soon.

They are changing mum’s doctor to the care home one and that he goes in every Tuesday and Thursday morning but if mum needed a doctor he would be called in.  If mum ever had to go into hospital we would be contacted and a carer would be with her until one of the family got to the hospital.

I told Daphne about Teresa telling mum that Dr Wood had said that she needed to be there for a rest and she said that they would continue on that theme.

  

Monday 16^th August

When I phone the care home to see how mum was she was having a bath so phoned again later.  Jasmine told me that mum was fine, I spoke to her and she asked if I was going to take her home, I told her that, No, I couldn’t as Dr Wood has said that she had to stay there for a rest, she said that it is full of old people here and that she would get herself out and walk home, I told her that it was too far to walk home and she couldn’t do that’ I heard her shout ‘shut up’ to someone and  when I asked who she was shouting at, she said that the woman couldn’t talk properly and  I said to her, perhaps she wants to be your friend and her answer was,  well I don’t want to be a friend of her!

I told mum that we would be in on Wednesday and that Teresa and Linda would be in to see her later on today to see her she asked me who they were!

Tuesday 17^th August

We picked Teresa up from Cranbrook and John dropped us of at mums house, there was an awful smell in the house so we opened all the windows and doors, we cleaned out all the food cupboards and threw out all the out of date food, we then did out the cabinets in the front room and put all the photos in a bag to sort through later, we then went upstairs and sorted out the clothes in the wardrobes. Teresa took a lot of mums good clothes that were too small for her home with her to keep in her loft for mum.

We put all the documents and papers we found all together to one side so that we could all go through them with Michael.

We then went into mum’s bedroom and went through all her bits in her dressing table Teresa took mums expensive watch for safe keeping, she found the box that mum had got it in when she first purchased it.

While we were at mums John phoned the housing association who told him that we had 4 weeks to sort out mums house, we could have longer but we would have to pay the rent, we had to take everything out of the house including the carpets otherwise we would be charge for disposing of it.

Wednesday 18^th August

When we went into see mum we took a bottle of wine in with us which we labeled with her name and room number and also some cream cakes, tissues and biscuits.  We also took in the framed photos of her garden for her to put on the wall in her room.

The care home was easy to get to, we got there about 10.30am, John was really shocked that it was a secure unit, we have a code number to punch in before we can get out of the unit.

I spoke to Jasmine about the lady who wails all the time and she said that mums room was well away from hers so it shouldn’t bother her when she is in her room, she was having her eye drops put in when we got there, she was really happy to see us, she took us (with a little bit of help) to see her room, it looked a little bare without any of her ‘stuff’ in it, but it is a lovely sunny room.  She asked us if she was going home and we had to tell her that she had to stay a little longer, she said, who told you that, I told her that Dr Wood had told me, she said to me, you liar, you are making it all up. John told her that Dr Wood talks to the people in charge of the home and not to us, she seemed quite cheerful but kept on about her house.

The staff are really nice and we stayed for a couple of hours, when we left mum walked along the corridor with us, I gave her a kiss and she walked off to talk to a couple of ladies in the dining room.

While we were with mum her friend Lily phoned to talk to her, mum didn’t know who she was until I spoke to her and explained to mum who it was.

I gave Claire in the office £50.00 for mums ‘pocket money’ she had her hair done yesterday and would need other things and I didn’t want her to be embarrassed.

On the way home we talked about the home and decided that it wasn’t ideal but the only option at the moment but we made a pact that if she is really, really unhappy we would try and sort something else out, we could have her here for 5 days and the others could help at the weekends.

Thursday 19^th August

I phoned a couple of mum’s friends to tell them how mum was yesterday, Dib and Daph are going in to see her today.

In the evening we went over to mums to check on the house and see if everything was Ok (I felt a bit tearful walking in and she wasn’t there).  We then went over to D & D’s, they had been in to see mum today, they both thought that the home was very nice but not sure if it was the right place for mum! They said that mum was Ok and that they like her room, mum had taken then into the dining room and shown them the lady that she talks too, they stayed for a couple of hours.  Mum stood at the window and waved to them when they left.

Friday 20^th August

Michael phoned to say that he had received a letter from the care home saying that mum was on a 4 – 6 weeks trial to see if she settles and that she is right for the home and not to give up her house until then or do anything irreversible.          

Mum goes into the Care Home.

Monday 9^th August 2010

Daphne from Park View Care home phoned to say that they have a room ready for mum, it is on Ash Unit Room 36, and could we take her in either Tuesday or Wednesday.  I told her I would have a word with Michael and Teresa and I would phone her back.

I got in touch with Michael and he said that he was fine about taking mum into Park View on Wednesday afternoon; he told me that Teresa would phone me when she got home from work. I phone Daphne at Park View and told her that Michael and Teresa would bring mum in on Wednesday afternoon.

When Teresa phoned she said that she was OK about going in with Michael on Wednesday and we arranged to meet at mums tomorrow (Tuesday) to get things ready for her to take with her, she asked if mum knew and I told her that she didn’t she said that we should tell her.

When Michael went to pick her up on Saturday she wasn’t in and he found her in the supermarket, she had a packet of sausage casserole mix and a bread sauce mix in her basket, when they got back to her house they couldn’t get in as she hadn’t taken he key with her, she had come out of the front door and shut it behind her.

Tuesday 10^th August 

We got to mums just before 8am, I gave her breakfast and her medications and helped her have her bath. After her bath I told her about going on a little holiday tomorrow, she said very loudly ‘Oh no’ (I felt awful, as I knew that she had realised in her own way that she was going into a care home) she asked me if they knew, I asked her if she meant Michael and Teresa and she said ‘Yes’, she then asked if they know too, she pointed to the ceiling I asked her if she meant the people who owned the house and she said ‘Yes’ again, I told her not to worry about that but she kept on and on about it, in the end I asked her if she would like me to tell them and she ‘Yes’, so I said that is what I would do. She said that I am not going for long, I kept changing the subject.

We went up to the supermarket and got a few bits for her and then we went to D & D’s for coffee.  I phoned the carers and cancelled them from Wednesday evening and had a talk with Jane the owner and explained everything that was happening.

We met Teresa in Cranbrook and we went to mums.  John dropped us off and we sorted out her things to take in with her, clothes etc.  We also put in her wall clock, 2 books and her photo album.  Teresa washed and set her hair for her. Lissa and Frankie also came over to see mum before she went into the care home tomorrow

The carer was late at lunchtime as they had had an emergency call out, she had given mum a cooked meal that I had taken over.

Mum wanted to go to bed at 5pm but we managed to keep her up until the carer came in, she gave mum a sandwich and her medications.  Michael came in and he had a cup of tea with us, we left mums at 6pm he took me home and then took Teresa home.

Wednesday 11^th August

Sharon Hale phoned me and said ‘your mums gone into the care home then?’ I said that yes she had gone in today, she asked me for the full address and phone no. she thought that mum was going in on the 18^th not today!

I asked Sharon about mums pension and attendance allowance etc and she told me to leave it until next week to sort out just in case mum comes home, also to do the same with the Housing association, mum will continue to get her pension and KCC  will bill either me or Michael

I think that mums pension will be paid into her bank account so a direct debit could be set up to pay the KCC to pay mums portion of the care home fees, mum gets to keep £23.00 of her pension as ‘pocket money’.

She is not sure how long we get to sort out the house it does all depend on the housing association but she thinks it is between 2 – 4 weeks.

Michael phoned me to say that it all went OK but mum said that she is only staying for a week and then she is coming home as it is full of old people in here! She also said to Michael, shall we go home, he told her that they had paid for a week’s holiday so she had to stay. She said that she wanted to go home; 

Michael told me that we would give it a week and if she didn't settle we would have to bring her home.I told him that we had all got to pull together; I had been to the hospital today and have got to have a knee replacement within the next 3 months and that I would be out of action for about 6 weeks and that I couldn’t do it, he told me that was when Teresa goes to Australia, I felt really upset.

Michael said that they had told them at the care home to leave it for a couple of days before going in to see her, I told him that I would not be going in until next week as I was originally advised to do by Sharon Hale at Social Services.

Thursday 12^th August

I phoned Park View to see how mum was they told me mum was fine, she had slept OK and was in the dining room having her breakfast and did I want to talk to her but I said that I wouldn’t as she thinks that I am in hospital but tell her I phoned and that I am OK.

Friday 13^th August

Phoned the care home and they told me that mum is eating, drinking and sleeping OK but she had been asking how she could go out and go home and also asked where her family were.  I asked if we could take a TV in for her and they told me that they would put one in her room for her.    

Saturday 31st July - Friday 6th Augsut 2010

Saturday 31^st July 2010

We went to the factory shop and got some toiletries, underwear, towels etc to get ready for mum to take when she goes into the care home.

Monday 2^nd August

Salome Erasmus phoned from Park View Care Centre in Ashford to say that they would like to come and assess mum tomorrow (Tuesday) at 11am, I told her that would be OK. I tried to phone Michael but I couldn’t get hold of him so had to leave a message for him on his answer phone at home. I phoned Daph and she said that she would come over with me when they come, she said that it might be a good idea to warn the home that mum isn’t aware about the home, just so that the person who comes is aware of the situation and that Michael has told her she was going on a little holiday.

I phoned and spoke to a Salome who advised me that it wouldn’t be her that came but a lady called Daphne and she would pass on that piece of information.  Michael got in touch and said that he would be there tomorrow and was quite happy with Daph being there too, I got in touch with Teresa and told her, she was working in the morning so wouldn’t be able to come over but would be over Wednesday instead of Thursday this week.

Sarah (the carer) phoned to say that the key is missing from the (front) back door and she didn’t want to leave mums house unsecured. Phoned Daph and she said she has a spare key for that door and she said that she would go over and have a quick look for it but if she couldn’t find it she would use her key, phoned Sarah back and told her Daph would be over shortly.

Tuesday 3^rd August

Mum was waiting for us with the front door open, she seemed quite ‘with it’ but very bolshy. I gave her some breakfast and her medication, got her bath ready and while she was in the bath sorted some clothes to take home to label.

We walked up to the supermarket and got her groceries for the week; John stayed behind and did a little housework for her.

Michael and Daph came over just before 11am and John went home. Daphne, from Park View arrived just after 11am, mum was a bit confused by it all, we used the fact that I had to go into hospital to have my knee replacement and that she needed to be looked after and as Daph had gone back to work and that Michael and Teresa both lived to far away and she needed to go where someone could look after her.  Reluctantly she agreed, of a sorts, she said to me ‘you better get better quickly!’ she also said, where will I go for Christmas and Michael told her she would got to his house like she always does, I felt that it all went a little too smoothly.

Mum did say when Daphne said ‘well you will come to me for a little holiday then’ and mum replied ‘No I will not’ Daphne reminded her that she had already said that she would.  I had a word with Daphne before she went that I felt really guilty about it all and she told me not too as she felt that mum would fit in really well and felt that it could be as early as next week that she could go into the home.

Phoned Teresa and told her what had been said and what had happened , we decided we would both go over next Friday to sort out mums clothes, she said that she was OK about going with Michael to take her to the home.

I phoned Daph to see if mum had gone over to her and told me that she had gone over to see her instead, she said that they chatted and mum said that she wasn’t going and wasn’t staying ..I must say I felt a bit deflated and wished that I hadn’t phoned her.

Wednesday 4^th August

In the evening Daph phoned to say that mum was there, she had started to walk up to the village, Pete went up a brought her back and took her to Daph and Dibs for a cup of tea she thought that she had been to bed and it was the morning, she said that she was going to the shop to get something for her dinner, she took a bit of persuading that it was the evening D & D took her home and got her to go to bed and when she woke up in the morning we would be going over to pick her up and she would be here for the day.

Thursday 5^th August

I phoned mum in the morning, I had to try twice as she didn’t answer the phone the first time and when she did answer it she was very disorientated and told me a very disjointed story about where she had been, I half got the idea that she had been down to her friends house. She said to me that I could have come and seen her today I told her that she was coming here tomorrow for the day.

When Daph phoned me later, she told me that mum had got lost going down to see her friends and that Vic had seen her and when he found her she was in someone’s garage, ‘just looking’ she said.  He took her to her friend’s house and she phoned Daph and she went and picked her up.

Friday 6^th August

We picked mum up at 8.30am I sorted a few more bits of clothing to take home for naming, she had two skirts on, I got her to take one of them off, she was very alert but still confused with her speech, she was reading all the signs along the road on the way over here and she got all the words right but couldn’t put a sentence together.

She watched the sound of the 60’s videos and sang and  tapped her feet and fingers, she was very worried about her friend, so I phoned her from here and got her to talk too mum, mum wanted to wish her a happy birthday and to see how she was.

She dozed a lot, she ate a good dinner and afterward we took her to Pembury to Notcutts garden centre which she seemed to enjoy, we saw a lady from mums village called Joyce and after we had stood talking to her for a while mum looked at her and said ‘who are you’.

We got her home about 4pm and left her with a cup of tea and a couple of cakes.

Battle with Social Services (24th July - 30th July 2010)

Saturday 24^th July 2010

I saw Teresa at Emily’s birthday party she said that we should go and look at the care home in Ashford on Monday and The Priory at Pembury on Tuesday she would text me with the times

Monday 26^th July

Had to phone and cancel mums foot clinic appointment as John not well, phoned mum to tell her she said are you coming over, I was just going to ring you!!! I told her that we would be over tomorrow.

Marie phoned from Town and Country to say she would be coming to do the carers assessment at 9am tomorrow.

Michael picked me up just before 1pm and we picked Teresa up and we went to have a look around Park View Care Centre in Kingsnorth, Ashford. The manager is Mrs Salome Erasmus, we were quite impressed with the care home, each resident has their own room with ensuite (loo and wash basin) the staff looked very caring and everyone looked well cared for and the home was clean and smell free!!

We had a long meeting with the care manager, she said that if we decided that mum would go there we should phone Sharon Hale at Social Services, who will get in contact with her and she will go and assess mum and then it would be about a week after that mum would be able to go into the home, they have a place coming free next week.

We decided to go and have a look at The Priory, Pembury next Monday (there is a top up fee of £33.00 per week at the Ashford Home).

Tuesday 27^th July

Mums was asleep on the sofa when we got there (just after 8am) the back door was open, she was very confused and muddily, I got her breakfast and gave her medications to her, helped her have her bath and did a few jobs around the house.

Marie came for Town and Country to do the assessment.  I asked her if it could be added in mums care book that she need help with putting her tights on and to brush her hair in the mornings also could they give mum one of the cooked meals that are in freezer for her dinner as they are only giving her sandwiches and she isn’t have a hot meal a day, she was there about 2 hours.

Mum was really crabby today, she got quite nasty when she showed me some pork chops and said that we could have them for dinner today and I said that we didn’t stay for dinner but that she comes to us on Fridays, she said quite nastily ‘you are always making excuses’ I got a bit cross and told her that we always did something else when we left her on a Tuesdays.  Went to the supermarket and go her groceries for her and made sure she had enough money in her purse.

When I checked her shopping receipts I noticed that she had bought a bottle of wine yesterday and she had drunk ¾’s of it already.

When I got home I ordered some name tags to sew on mums’ clothes as everything has to be named when she goes into a care home

Daph phoned me and told me that mum had gone into Betts on Sunday thinking it was a week day, she had loaned mum her walking stick again as mum had forgotten hers.

Daph said that mum had been very off on Sunday, she had gone over and seen that Vic and Maureen were also there for lunch and she accused Daph of making her sit outside, of course she hadn’t ( we think that she was jealous that they were there and not just her on her own) .  Dib walked her home after lunch and found that all the doors were locked and mum didn’t have a key with her she had come out of the front door and let it lock behind her.

Daph phoned me at 8.30pm to say that mum was at her house and wanted to speak to me, she thought that it was morning and where was I, I told her that it was the evening and she said ‘that is what they are all saying here but I think it is the morning’ she then asked if I was coming over, I told her we had been over this morning, she couldn’t remember that we had been there, so I went through  with her all the things we had done that morning, bath, Marie from Town and Country coming in, shopping etc, she then said ‘Oh yes’ I told her we would see her again on Friday and that Teresa would see her Thursday.

I spoke to Daph again and she said that mum had said she wanted to talk to Michael but she said that she wouldn’t know what to say to him, Daph said of course you would he is your son. Dib walked mum back home and helped her get ready for bed, he left the landing light on and turned all the other lights on and made sure all the doors were locked, by the time he got home all the lights were off. 

I phoned Michael, he is going into mum with Teresa & Linda tomorrow, and they all think that we should phone Sharon Hale at Social Services about Park View care home and start the ball rolling, he will phone me tomorrow. 

Wednesday 28^th July

Michael phoned and said that he had a word with Teresa and she said to ring Sharon Hale so she could sort out everything with Salome Erasmus at Park View, Ashford.  I phoned her and she told me that all the funding was in place for mum, she said that she would phone Salome at Park View and give her my details so that she could contact me about doing the assessment on mum.

She advised me that when mum goes into a home it would be best for Michael to take her as the son is usually the blue eyed boy of the family and it would probably be best if I left it for about 2 weeks before I go and see her as usually it is the one who has been doing the most for them who gets the blame for them going into a home. The home will bill Michael and Teresa for top up fees; she said would I phone when I know when mum is going into the home.

Sharon phoned back later in the afternoon and said that she had phoned Salome at Park View and didn’t think that she was ‘on the ball!’ and that it was a nursing home and not a EMI residential care home and that mum would not like it there.  I was a bit shocked at this; she said that she had found Salome, slap dash! She said that she didn’t remember me giving her the information and then said Oh yes, but she couldn’t find it at the moment.

I told Sharon that I was sure that it was an EMI residential as the residence we saw were suffering from dementia the same as mum, she said that she would phone and make sure as they would not fund a nursing home as it is not what mum requires and she would find out what the fees were but she said that she is sure it would be more than the £33.00 per week top up that we had been told.  John had a word with her to find out exactly what she meant.  I got a bit cross and asked her where else is available as Tusker House the home she advised to us is definitely not the home for mum and she had told us that Hartley House had a vacancy and they hadn’t, she said that there was a shared room coming up there but I told her we didn’t want mum to share.

I phone Park View but as it was after 5.30pm Salome the care manager had gone home, I spoke to someone on one of the wings and she told me that wings downstairs at the home were EMI residential and the ones upstairs were for EMI nursing care and that she was sure that the £33.00 quoted as the top up was correct.

I tried to phone Sharon Hale at Social Services but the offices were close for the day. John is going to phone Park View and Sharon Hale tomorrow.

Thursday 29^th July

John phoned Park View, Salome not there, he spoke to the assistant manager, she confirmed that they are a residential EMI care home and the fees are £464.82 per week so the top up quoted was correct, he also told her what Sharon had said about Salome not being ‘on the ball’.

He tried to phone Sharon Hale but she was out of the office, he was told that she would be back between 1pm -5pm so he left a message for her to say he would be phoning her back. Sharon phone back as soon as she got in and John spoke to her, he told her that he had spoken to the care home and it was an EMI residential care home and the fees are correct and so is the top up fee of £33.00 per week, she said that Michael and Teresa would be contacted regarding setting up the payment details for the top up fees by the home and I will be contacted regarding everything else including the assessment, she said that everything is in motions and apologised of upsetting me.

Texted Michael and asked if he could pop in but he phoned me instead and I told him all that had happened, he said that he had said to mum yesterday about going on holiday and she asked if he was going to go with her and he said No, we were all going away and that she would be going on her own, she told him, well we will have to talk about that. He told me it was hard to leave her, I have been finding that for the last few months!

I phoned Daph and told her all about everything that had happened so she is kept up to date with what is going on.

Teresa phoned in the evening, she said that she had quite a day with mum, mum had wanted to go to bed at 3.30pm. Teresa had wanted to do some gardening in the front garden but mum had insisted it was night time and she would make to much noise, Teresa had said to her, mum it is only the afternoon and the children were still playing out, to which mum replied ‘well they should be in bed too’ She kept saying to Teresa, when is he coming, it’s so late, she meant Michael, when he arrived she told him that Teresa was so bossy.

Teresa said that it was defiantly time for mum to go into a home now

Friday 30^th July   

John picked mum up just after 8am as when I phoned to remind her she was coming here for the day she told me that the carer had been, she was really, really muddily today and kept talking complete rubbish all the time.

I got the photographs out but she couldn’t pick out people only Michael and Auntie Nora.

We had lunch but by 2pm she wanted to go home, we left her in the front room with a small glass of Lambrusco

We noticed that she has drunk 3 bottles of wine this week!!!!  

Saturday 17th - Friday 23rd July 2010

Saturday 17^th July 2010

Phoned Tusker House in Hastings and spoke to Teresa Butler, I asked her if it would be Ok to come in on Monday after 2.30pm to take a look around, she said that would be fine and the Manager, Paula Woolgar would be there, she told me that they care for all stages of Dementia, from early to late stages, they have space and the fees start at £431.00 per week, she was very helpful and nice on the phone.

I texted both Michael and Teresa and related to them all the information that she had given to me and confirmed to them the time and day we could go for a visit to look around the home.

Sunday 18^th July  

Daph phoned to say they all went out for lunch today, mum had been over to them twice this morning, once at 9am, they were both out with the dog but Deirdre (mums neighbour) had seen her go over and told mum that they were out.  Daph just really ring to say that she taken £10.00 from mums’ purse to pay for her lunch.

Monday 19^th July

Michael picked me up and the three of us went to look at Tusker House in Hastings, the proprietor, Paula was very informative but when we looked around we all thought that it wasn’t the right place for mum, the bedrooms were kept locked all the time and a care worker had to go to the room with them to unlock the room, the corridors were very dark and narrow and it shocked me how sad all the residence looked, I was told that they had had activities in the morning and so they were all tired, I suppose it was the first home we looked at and it dawned on me the illness mum has.

I gave Teresa a list of 4 other homes for her to phone and make appointments to look round, I also gave her the home directories for her to look through.

I phoned Daph and told her about the visit to Tusker House, she told me that mum had been up to her friend Betts and had forgotten her walking stick so Bett had loaned hers to mum again!

Mum had gone into Budgens but she said that they wouldn’t serve her as she didn’t have enough money, she told Daph that she had lots of money but when Daph looked in her pocket she had  40p in 2p’s  she said that she had lost her purse so had taken the money from the pot of change. She helped mum look for her purse and found it in the bin in the front room.

Tuesday 20^th July

Got to mums early, the back door was slightly open and when we walked in she said ‘where have you been, I was going to start walking over to your house!’ she was in her usual muddle!

I helped her have a bath and had to change her sheets as she had an accident in the night; I went through her clothes and threw out a couple of tops that were really badly marked.

We took Betts walking stick back to her we got a lift from Jean (mums friend) up to the village. Mum was embarrassed about going into Budgens she said that she couldn’t go back in after the mishap with the money yesterday.  John picked us up he had picked some flowers and put them on her table in front room, she said yet again that she might as well come home with us, I had to say not today mum we will be over on Friday (It is hard keep saying no, but I must be strong).

We left her watching TV and gave her a glass of Lambrusco

Wednesday 21^st July

Town and Country carers phoned to say that the carer was at mums and she wasn’t there.  I phoned Daph and she was there and they were sending her back home.  I phoned the carers back and told them mum was on her way back.

Thursday 22^nd July

I phoned Town and Country and cancelled carer for Friday lunchtime as mum was coming here for the day.

Teresa phoned to say mum was in a terrible state today, she had lost her purse and didn’t have any money, I gave her a list of lots of places for her to look for it.

Teresa and Lissa had seen mum in the village when they drove through so they parked the car and went to meet her, she told them that she didn’t have any money, Teresa told her not to worry as she had some.  When they went into Budgens the greeter chap at the door told her that mum had been in twice today without any money.

Teresa phoned both The Priory at Pembury and the care home in Ashford, The Priory hasn’t got any vacancies but the home at Ashford has one.  The Priory said to go and have a look round anyway; we are going, if Michael is free, on Monday afternoon.

Teresa told me that Michael is having mum on Sunday instead of Saturday  ( I texted him and asked him if that is what he was doing because the carers would have to be told, he text back and said that he thought that was  what he would be doing but he would let me know later.

I was given the phone number for Larchmere Home as a possible care home for mum> I phoned them but was told that a single room would cost £825.00 per week as it was a nursing home and mum would be better in a residential home as nursing care is more expensive.

I phoned Verity Buckle from the Friendship club as mum had been there yesterday and wondered mum had left her purse there and someone had handed it in, had to leave a message on her answer phone as she wasn’t there, when I put the phone down there was a message on our answer phone from Teresa to say that she had found mums purse in her bedroom dressing table drawer under her knickers!.

Friday 23^rd July

We picked mum up at 9am she didn’t seem too bad today, she slept a lot of the time while she was here, she ate a good dinner and pudding, we had to go to Tunbridge Wells so we took her with us, when we got down by the Pantiles she said ‘You used to live down here’ which we did in the 70’s she then looked at John and said ‘was it with you or someone else!’ which we both found funny.

She tried to tell me that Teresa and Lissa had been over to see her yesterday; she said her sister and a very nice girl visited her.

We got her home just after 3pm  

Saturday 10th July - Friday 16th July 2010

Saturday 10^th July 2010

Sarah the carer phoned to say mum had run out of Omeprozole I asked her is she could phone Daph to see if she has any as she picks mums prescription up for her and  usually take them over on Sundays

Sunday 11^th July

I phoned Daph as I had not heard back from Michael, I asked her if she thought booking mum in for respite on 1st -10^th September would be a good idea, she said she thought that would be fine, so I will do that tomorrow

Monday 12^th  July

Sharon Hale at Social Services had left a message on the answer phone saying if we want mum to go into a care home we can look at places in Hastings – Sussex area.  I phoned her back but was told that she is out of office until 1pm today and the office will get her to phone me back.

Michael phoned back and I told him about the phone call from Social Services and that I would book mum in for respite on the 1^st – 10^th September at West View, I told him about no places at Hartley House.  He told me that mum ‘wasn’t too’ bad on Saturday I asked him if he thought that I was making it up about how bad mum is and he said ‘No of course he didn’t, he said that he would go in to see her this evening.

Phoned Sharon Hale at Social Service and booked respite for mum, told her that we felt let down about Hartley House and does she think we could get a place there in the next few months, she said that she didn’t know if that would be possible, she says that she is going there for a meeting with Beverley who is the Care Manager there and will have a chat and phone me back on Friday.

I asked for a copy of the care home directory and she said that she would put one in the post but she could only provide one for Kent and gave me a phone number to phone for  The Sussex directory she told me to ask for a copy of Residential care home guide directory for West Sussex, I also asked her a copy of mums individual care plan, she says that they usually fax one to care homes but she will send one to us.

I asked her what would happen if mum needs an urgent place in a care home do Social Services help find a placement, she told me that ‘yes’ but it is best to find ‘the right one’ because it is not a good idea to move someone with Dementia once placed as they get very disorientated, she told me that she knew that there were places at Tusker House in Hastings, she quoted again that they only pay £431.00 per week towards care and the family have to top the  payments up.  She told me again that she would phone me back on Friday.  I phoned and asked for the East Sussex directory they are putting one in the post tomorrow.  I phoned Daph and kept her up to date with all that was said.

Michael phoned and I told him also what was said and I said that I would let him know when I received the directories and the care plan.

Tuesday 13^th July

We took quite a while getting into mums as she had put all the chains on the doors and couldn’t work out how to take them off, she told us she didn’t do it someone else must have, she finally got the one off the back door and we managed to get in.

I gave her breakfast and her medications and helped her have her bath she had scratched her back so I put a plaster on it for her, had to sort out all her clothes again as she had emptied her wardrobe again and had them all on the spare bed, I had taken over several pairs of new underwear and tights for her and put them in the airing cupboard.

I went with her to the supermarket and got her groceries for her, I sorted out some money to put in her purse and put the rest in the bank.  When we came back from the shop she said ‘I might as well come back with you now then’ I had to say that we were going to pick something up and there wouldn’t be room in car, John offered to take her to Merriments garden centre before we go and she said ‘No you go’ I told her we would pick her up on Friday and she could come to us for the day she said ‘I suppose so, but I may be going out’ I told her that she wasn’t going anywhere else.

John sorted her TV as she had pulled the aerial out of the back again, we left her in her chair dozing and with a glass of watered down wine on the table for her.

Thursday 15^th July

Daph phoned to ask if mum was coming here tomorrow as she is at work tomorrow and that Dib gets worried about mum, she said that mum was very confused yesterday and went over several times, they were out but Andrew was there but he had to go back to work, she told him that she would come in for a while and he had to say to her ‘Sorry Auntie Ann I have to go back to work’ she got very cross with him. Andrew took her home as her carer was due.  She went out again and saw Bobbi-Ann and asked her where Daph was and she said that she was out and she didn’t know where she was and Bobbi took her back home.

When Daph got back she saw mum walking over to them and Dib went and met her, she put her hands on her hips and said to Daph ‘where have you been!’, she told Daph that she had walked up to the Moor and there were no seats anywhere and it was a long way. Daph asked a couple of the neighbours if they had seen mum walk down the road towards the Moor they said ‘No, but they had seen her walk up the road.

One of the neighbours told Daph that on Monday mum had walked out in the road in front of her in the village when she was driving past the car park, mum was on her way to her friend Betts, she got out of her car and stopped the traffic and saw mum across the road.

Daph told me that mum had said a couple of times this week ‘something has got to be done, I don’t like being here on my own’.

Teresa phoned to say mum has her hair permed today and that she needed some more money, I told her I would take some over tomorrow, she said mum was very, very confused today, she also said mum had said last week that someone would have to take her in as she didn’t like being on her own.

I told Teresa about Social Services and she said that she didn’t know anything about it, I thought Michael would have told her all about it but he hadn’t.  She said that she would ring Sharon Hale tomorrow and ask if mum could go on West View waiting list, I told her that I had booked mum in for respite, I also told her that I had received care home directories and also mums care plan.

Friday 16^th July

Marie from Town and Country carers phoned about doing a quality care visit, which is overdue, she asked if she could come tomorrow (Saturday) I told her that wasn’t possible as mum was at Michaels tomorrow, she is going to try and make it on Tuesday morning she gave me her number in case I wanted to get in touch with her.

We picked mum up just before 8.30am as she was coming here for the day, she was ready and waiting, she gave me a pair of knickers and a pair of tights and told me she needed them, she couldn’t remember if she had any on or not, I had to check for her and she had!  I put them in a bag and took them with me as she got a bit upset about it, she was very confused and slept most if the morning, she had lunch and then said ‘you can take me home now, I thought that we were going to look at the flowers’ so on the way home we stopped at the Garden Centre we got her home just before 3pm.

We popped into Daphs and showed her the care home directories we had received from Social Services, we rang Tusker House at Hastings and asked how much it was per week for room and they told us £431.00.

Sharon Hale (Social Services) still hadn’t phoned so phoned her and had to leave a message again as she still wasn’t there.

When we got home I tried to phone Michael, I couldn’t get hold of Michael, Linda said that she would get him to phone when he got back, I then phoned Teresa and she wasn’t happy with the state of affairs with Social Services so she is going to phone Sharon Hale on Monday when she gets in from work, she agrees that we will have to look out of the area for a care home and is OK about going to see Tusker House and others out of the area and said when Micheal gets in touch that either Monday or Tuesday afternoon was OK for her.

Michael phoned back and agreed that wee must look out of the area and that he can make it any time to go and have a look, I said I would phone Tusker House and ask if it is OK to go either Monday or Tuesday, he would phone me on Monday.     

Thursday 1st July - Friday 9th July 2010

Thursday 1^st July 2010

When we got home there was a phone call on the answer phone from mums number, I heard mum say ‘there’s no one there’, I heard the carer say ‘is it the answer phone’. Then the phone was put down.

I phoned Daphs number and spoke to Andrew, he said all was fine and that Teresa had been there today

Friday 2^nd July

Phoned mum and told her we would be over, When we got there I looked in the carers book and it said that mum was very confused this morning, there were also tea bags in the kettle!.

We spent a couple of hours with her, John did a bit of gardening, I checked her fridge and she had plenty of  food, she really wanted to come home with us but I didn’t feel well, so I told her that we had to go and collect something for Matt and we would come over again on Sunday.

Saturday 3^rd July

Hadn’t heard anything from Michael regarding Social Services, I phoned Daph to see if she had heard anything from him, she said that she hadn’t, but she had to contact him on Wednesday as mum had gone over to her very upset saying that she hadn’t seen me and she didn’t think Teresa or Michael were going over, so he had gone over to see mum, Daph said that when mum goes over she never likes to send her home straight away even if the carer is due.

I told Daph that we had been over yesterday for a couple of hours, she said that mum had told her that she didn’t know where we were and hadn’t seen us for ages!

I texted Michael re: Social Services and he phoned me back to say he had been in contact with her and she said that she would forward mums care details onto Hartley House and it would be up to them to do their assessment for them to judge whether mum gets a place when it comes available. I said what about looking at other homes in the area, he said he didn’t really know whether we should, I asked about respite care at West View and he said that Social Services had said leave it for a while, until we know more from Hartley House, I told him that I would wait to hear from him, He was just going over to pick mum up.

Phoned Daph and relayed all that he had told me to her.

Sunday 4^th July

We went over to mums early, I helped her have a bath as it was so hot, she had 2 pairs of tights on and no knickers!

I sorted out all of her clothes, hung some in her wardrobe and the put the rest in the washing machine.

I had to look for her purse, which I eventually found tucked behind a photo frame in the front room, she was very confused and asked me if she had been in her house a long time I told her 54 years! She asked me where I lived, I told her Cranbrook and told her she lived in Hawkhurst, she said ‘do I, I didn’t now that’.

Before we left we took her over to Daphs for her lunch.

Tuesday 6th July 

Got to mums just after 8am gave her breakfast and her medication, helped her have a bath and stripped her bed, John did some hovering for her and a bit of gardening, I did her shopping , she wanted to come home with us but told her we were busy, we left her with a glass of wine and watching TV.

Town and Country carers phone me in the afternoon to say that mum had told her that she was going on an outing tomorrow and was that right, I told her no but she was going to the friendship club tomorrow afternoon, cancel the Friday lunchtime carer as she will be here for lunch

Wednesday 7^th July 

Phoned Daph to see how mum was today and  she said that she was very, very confused today and had forgotten completely that she was going anywhere today (friendship club) she told Andrew that she ‘was annoying herself’

Friday 9^th July

Phoned mum and told her we would be over to pick her up, she sounded very down, so we went straight over and picked her up just after 8.30am, I had to help her put her clothes on the right way round!

She was very muddily and slept a lot while she was here with us, we sat in garden for a while and when we came back in she fell asleep again in the chair, she woke with a start and said that her eyeballs were falling out, then covered it by saying she was only joking.

Social Services phoned to ask if Michael had spoken to me about Respite, I said that he had told me he had phoned her and she had said that we should wait to see if she goes into Hartley House before making a decision, she said that we had lost the original dates for Respite and that Hartley House now looks unlikely as she says that someone else has the place, she gave me some new dates to choose for Respite. 1^st – 10^th September or 6^th – 12^th September or 16^th for two weeks, I told her I would let her know early next week what we would do.

Talked it over with John and he said why didn’t I ask if there was anywhere else that she could go and we both felt that Social Services should help us find somewhere for mum to go and also could we also have a copy of mums care plan and a list of homes.  I tried to phone Michael on his mobile but there was no answer so phoned his home number and left a message with all the dates given by Social Services

I phone Sharon at  Social Services back but she wasn’t there so spike to the advice team and left a message for her to advise us what to do about a permanent placement for mum.