The Hunt for a care home has started!

Thursday 24^th June 2010

Spoke to Michael and Daph about the phone calls they received from Social Services on Wednesday 23th (we were away camping for the night)

Sharon Hale had phoned and said that mum had been passed by the board for finances for a Care home and also for Respite at West View for 2 weeks from 19^th July but she cannot go there permanently as they only have 3 places and there are 8 already on the waiting list, she advised us that they had a place coming up soon at Hartley House but a top up payment of £43.79 per week has to be paid by the family, the government only pay £431.00 towards the care home fees.

If mums goes into Hartley House, Sharon doesn't advise mum goes into West View for respite as it would confuse her going into two different places.

If we cannot afford the top up fees there are two care homes that do not have top up fees and they are The Hollies, Southborough and The Priory, Pembury she said that she would look in Sussex for any others.

Phoned and text Michael, he said that he could pay the lions share of the top up fee but not all of it!! he said that we should go and have a look at Hartley House.

Friday 25^th June

Text Michael and asked him if he has spoken to Teresa about the top up fees for care homes and also asked about when we were going to look around Hartley House, he text back to say that he had and we were going on Monday.

Went over to see mum in the afternoon I asked her if she would like a bath as it was so hot, she was really pleased that I had asked her, we brought her back here with us for lunch, (I phoned the carer and cancelled the lunchtime one) she enjoyed sitting in the garden and chatting, she said to me I have so much trouble up here, tapping her head, but she said that she liked sitting here with me..

When we took her home the engineer was there checking her boiler, a day early, good job that D was there!!!

Saturday 26^th June

Town and Country carers phoned to say that the lunch time carer couldn't get into mums house, she had tried both doors, it seemed like there was a key stuck on the other side of the lock, I tried to phoned mum but no reply. I remembered that Michael was taking her out so I phoned and spoke to Linda and she said that mum was with them. I explained to her about the carer not knowing that she would be out and she said that Michael had phoned the carers several times and no one had answered it only had an answer phone with the emergency number, I told her that he should have phone that and told them that mum would be with them.

Linda told me that he had left a note on the table. The trouble was the carer couldn't get in to see the note!!! I told her that in future the carer must be cancelled the day before as they need to know where mum is in case of accidents. I asked her if she could ask Michael if she would be back for the evening carer and she said that mum would be back by then, I asked if Michael could take a look at mums lock and sort out the key.

I phoned the carers and told them where mum was and that she would be back for the evening carer.

Phoned D and explained to her what had happened in case she got a call from the carers.

Michael phoned and apologised about not letting the carers know he said that he hadn't listened to the message on the answer phone properly. I explained that it was important for the carers to know where mum is as there may have been an accident or something else. We decided that it would be best to cancel the Saturday lunchtime carer and he said that he would do that.

I asked him about going to look around Hartley House and he said it would be Monday about 2ish

Monday 28^th June

Went to mums today instead of going tomorrow as I have a hospital appointment (I have arranged for a carer to come in the morning) the carer was there when we go there, mum was very confused and muddly she didn't seem to be able to put two words together that made any sense, I helped her have a bath and did some bits and pieces for her.

John did some weeding in the front garden while mum and I walked up to the supermarket. We got her some shopping. It was very hot and she said that her legs hurt, we got some strawberries which we had with ice cream when we got back.

We left her with her lunch and a glass of watered down wine..

Michael and Teresa picked me up at 2.30pm, we went and had a look around Hartley House. When we got there they told us that there wasn't any spaces at present only a possible, as they had a lady in hospital, but mum was not even on their list . We were led to believe by Social Services that they had got mum a place there!!! They took mums details and confirmed that she was now on their waiting list.

It is quite a nice place, rooms are smaller than the ones at West View but the staff seem nice and were caring, there was lots of space to wander around and a nice little garden, we got an info pack about the home.

Michael and Teresa told me that they would cover and top up fees that are needed at any care home.

Michael was going to phone Sharon Hale at Social Services to ask her advice on when to tell mum about the care home and also when a place come up how long would it be held open for, if we say no at that time would mums name be put at the bottom of the list or be taken of the list altogether.

Tuesday 15th June - Tuesday 22nd June 2010

Tuesday 15^th June 2010

When we got to mums I got her some breakfast and gave her medications to her, she seemed quite bright, did some bits and pieces around the house and after her bath we walked up to the village and got her shopping.

Daph phoned to say that Mary and Roger (mums sister and her husband) were going over and would we like to take mum over to see them and she could stay with them for lunch so before we went we took mum over to her house.

Thursday 17^th June

Michael picked me up and we went over to mums to sort out the finances with Social Services for her respite care, mum was surprised to see us, she had broken her kettle and I had to boil some water up in a saucepan for a cup of tea.

The lady from Social Services came and we complete the forms for cost for the respite care and care home finances. Michael signed as next of kin.

Before we left we popped up to the village and got mum a new kettle.

Saturday 19^th June

Town and Country cares phoned to say that mum was not at home, I explained that Michael was taking her out and that he was supposed to get her back for the lunchtime carer. I told them that I would get in touch with him but before I did they phoned back to say that they were back.

Sunday 20^th June

Daph phoned to say that my cousins Charlie and Shirley had picked mum up she was walking up the road on her way to the shops, she said that she was going up to get something for her dinner, Shirley told her that the supermarket was closed as it didn't open on Sundays, they took her home and got her a cup of tea.

Charlie went over to Daphs to see what he should do and she told him that Dib was just on his way over to pick her up to go to their house for lunch. So after having a cup of tea with her they walked her over to D & D's.

They hadn't seem mum for a while and they were both shocked how bad she was.

Monday 21^st June

Had a phone call from the carer to say that mum was not at home, all the doors were unlocked she went in and looked around but no mum

I phoned her friend Bett and mum was there with her and that mum had lost her stick so she had lent mum her old one.

I phoned Town and Country and told them that mum was at her friends she said that they would let mums carer know

Phoned D in the evening and she said that Dib had seen mum come down the road so have taken her to their house and given her some lunch.

Tuesday 22^nd June

Did they usual things for mums, took over some new underwear for her, ready for her respite care.

We walked up to the village and did her food shopping. phoned the carers and cancelled the carer for tomorrow lunchtime as mum is going on an outing with the Friendship club also phoned Robert Heath and asked them to ring Daph. 15 – 20mins before they arrive at mums on the 29^th as mum would need someone with her as she is very muddly and their visit would confuse her, they are coming to sort out the heating.

Tuesday 8th June - 14th June 2010

Tuesday 8^th June 2010

Forgot my key so had to knock on the front door, eventually mum let us in, she was very confused and said had we come to see how she was as she was just going to bed, I told her it was only 8am in the morning, she was convinced it was the evening. She kept saying that she had sat on the floor as everyone kept coming in and going to the toilet and when she got up she thought that she would fall over!

I got her some breakfast and gave her meds to her, she tipped her water in the pot with her tablets in, so I had to get her to get them out of the water and quickly take them – also when we got there she had a milk bottle half full with tea! She just made light of it when I asked about what she had done) I helped her have a bath.

She also told me that she couldn't remember which was her bed and that she had been up all night. I asked her if she had slept in her chair all night and she said that no she hadn't, when I went into her bedroom her bed was in a real mess and half stripped. I changed the sheet and made the bed up for her.

We walked up to the village and got her quite a bit of shopping, sorted out her money for her and left some in her purse and left some in the cabinet so when the other came in they could check her purse to see if she had any money for shopping etc.

We all went over to D & D's for coffee, we got back to her house at 12.15pm so we were back for

the carer.

She wasn't having any problems walking today. She is going to the Friendship club tomorrow.

Wednesday 9^th June

Michael phoned and said that Social Services had been in touch re-assessing mums finances for cost of respite care, got an appointment at mums 11am Thursday the 17^th, could I take all her bank account statement and pension details. Michael would pick me up at 10.30am.

Phoned Daph and she said that mum had been very confused and muddly today, she said that mum had been over to them several times but could not make Dib hear as he was in the back garden. They saw mum going down to the Friendship club just after 1.30pm which was too early, so they took her in for a cut of tea, mum said that she had two cups in her bag, when Daph looked she had her Sandles in her handbag. When they got back from taking her to the club, Deirdre (mums neighbour) called over to then asking if mum was in as she had left her french windows wide open!

When mum got back D took her homeand sorted her out and put her TV on.

Daph got a phone call from the evening carer to see if she had Teresa’s phone number as mum had said that she wanted to speak to her daughter. D phoned Michael and he said that he would get Teresa to phone her. She phoned mum while D was there, mum was very, very tearful. Michael went over and sat with her for a while. D phoned me and told me what had happened

I phoned Michael later in the evening to see how mum was and he said that she was fine when he left her, Teresa was at work so I couldn't get hold of her. Teresa going over on tomorrow, we are going on Friday and Michael on Sunday.

Thursday 10^th June

Phoned Town and Country carers to cancel the lunchtime carer for tomorrow as mum is coming here for lunch, I also cancelled the lunchtime carer for Monday 14^th as mum is going to the foot clinic.

Friday 11^th June

Phoned mum to remind her that we were picking her up this morning to bring her here for lunch, she said that she was just thinking about me, we picked her up at 10.30am she was muddly and it was difficult to understand what she was trying to say, but that is just how she is normally.

On the way home we took her to the garden centre she got a couple of plants, and we took her for a little ride round.

When we got back to her house John asked her if she had her key, I told her it was in her purse, instead of taking our her key she took our her small purse and said 'what this!' I told her No, not her purse her key she then took out 2 five pound notes .. eventually she found her key, she then complained that she didn't have any money and I had to get her purse out and show her that she had £40 in her purse and she said ' well that's not much.'

We left her watching football on the TV gave her a glass of wine and told her we would see her on Monday.

Monday 14^th June

Picked mum up to take her to her foot clinic appointment, when we got there she was in the garden, we couldn't find her purse we looked everywhere, when all of a sudden she said I know where it is, she opened the fridge and there it was.

When I read the carers book it said that on Saturday mum had had a 'little accident' and the carer had changed mums bedding and put it in the washing machine and that mum had slept in the other bedroom.

We brought mum here for lunch, she had a look round the garden and we got her to play a game of cards (rummy) she did quite well but after a couple of games she was tired, she kept seeing black flies again

Laura (my daughter) came in and mum was pleased to see her, Laura said 'I see that you have found your glasses Nan' mum said 'yes I have two eyes' Laura said I can see that you have' mum said 'of course I have!'

Laura took some photos... 

We got her home about 3.30pm and she said are you still coming tomorrow I told her of course we are.

Sorting our Respite and lunchtime carer

Tuesday 1^st June 2010

Got to Mums at 8am gave her breakfast and her meds also helped her have a bath, John and I did some housework for her.

 Had to look for her glasses as she had lost them once again!  I couldn’t find them anywhere, so left a note to the carers to that effect.

 We walked up to the village and got her some shopping and stocked up her food cupboard. When we got back I got her a cup of tea and a slice of cake, before we left I got her a sandwich and cake and a glass of Lambruso.  I left her a home cooked meal to have later in the afternoon

Michael picked me up at 2pm and we went to Daphs to have a meeting with Sharon Hale from Social Services, to fill in the 42 page form to apply for 2 weeks respite care at West View in Tenterden, with the hope that it would lead to a permanent placing.

We also sorted a lunch time carer to go in to make sure she is eating lunch time, she would start tomorrow.  She also sorted out a carer to go in on Tuesday 29^th June as I have a hospital appointment so I can’t go over to her.

John picked me up and on the way home we noticed that Michael had gone into mum, he said that when he got there mums back door was unlocked and that she was in bed!

Wednesday 2^nd June

1.30pm the Town and Country lunch time carer phoned to say that she had gone to mum at that mum wasn’t there.  I told her that it was best to leave it for today and that I would try and find out where she was!

I phoned Dib and told him, he said that mum was there as another neighbour had gone over to him and said that mum was wondering up and down the road not knowing where she was, so he went and found her and took her back with him, she was now with him.

Did said that they would keep and eye on her at this time of the day from now on

I phoned Town and Country and explained what had happened.

Saturday 5^th June

(We managed to get a couple of days away) I phoned mum to say that we would be popping in to see her and she said ‘Thank goodness I wondered where you had been, I haven’t seen you for a very long time’.

We got to mums just after 9am she looked very disorientated and a bit far away! I got her a cup of tea and a slice of cake and  we sat outside in the garden as it was a lovely sunny day.

Michael phoned and was surprised that we were there and that he was going to pop over, I told him that it was fine as we were only staying for a little while.

I told mum that Michael was coming over and she got very excited, saying ‘do I look Ok’ and  ‘ I wonder where he is taking me’ I told her that he hadn’t mentioned that he was taking her anywhere, just that he was coming over, she got very fidgety and then stood in the front garden until he arrived.  The first thing she asked him was ‘where are you taking me’.  I reminded him that the carer would be there at 12.30pm

Thursday May 27th - Sunday 29th May 2010

Thursday 27^th May 2010

Michael called in, we talked about mum and I told him that I needed more help, I told him that mum had been offered respite care at West View and Social Services would arrange it all, also a lunch time carer to call on her.

He told me that Alice breaks up from school today and that Teresa and Linda will be able to take her out.

He also wants to come over to Daphs on Tuesday when Sharon Hale comes from Social Services come so that he can ask some questions

Daph phoned later to say that she had a phone call from Town and Country carers to say that the carer could not lock the front door, she went over and mum had all the keys in a muddle on the table, she had taken the key ring of the back door key, when she asked mum why she had done that mum said that ‘ because it needs a whats name!’   Daph put the key back on the key ring, mum got a bit grumpy with D and said to her ‘you know everything, you do’

Later on in the afternoon Daph phoned again to say that mum had been out with the friendship club to the cinema and Verity Buckle had phoned to say that the Kino Cinema had got in touch with her to say they had found a black bag with a blue purse in it and the only name it had on it was Daphs, she said that she thought that it was mums but the cinema had got a bit ‘awkward’, Verity explained to them that mum has dementia.

I told D what mum had in her purse when I left her on Tuesday, she also had a small purse in her bag with a bit of change in it. 

I phoned Teresa, as she was with mum, to ask if mum had lost her purse and she said that they were looking for it at that moment., she said that mum was in a state and had found some money in the pot in the cabinet, but couldn’t find her purse.

Got back in touch with D and she said that she was going up to the cinema to see if she could get the bag back, she phoned me back and said that she had got the bag, she was able to tell them roughly what mum had in her purse and that there was also a small purse with some change in it.  I phoned Teresa back and told her that the bag and purse had been found and that D had it at her house.

Teresa said that she was going to have a talk with mum about Care home but it was difficult.

Friday 28^th May 2010

Phoned mum in the morning but she was out so phoned again at 3pm and she was there she said that she didn’t have anyone there, I said no but Teresa came yesterday, she remembered that she had been there and also said that she had been ‘over there’ which I took to mean she had been over to D & D’s and there wasn’t anyone there, I told her that Daph was at work and Dib was probably in the back garden and didn’t here her.

Told her we would be over in the morning , she said ‘good’ I said that we couldn’t go today as we were busy, she said ‘you don’t have to thingy’ I said do you mean ‘justify why we can’t come over’ she said ‘yes that’s it’

Saturday 29^th May 2010

Mum looked really well when we got there today, she complained that it was really cold, so checked the central heating and it had been turned right down so turned it back up to 20, We sat at the kitchen table and had a cup of tea, mum said that ‘he had come and picked her up’ I took it that she meant that Michael had picked up Teresa yesterday..( I am getting good at working things out!!) but she said he didn’t stay long and I don’t see him much, I told her that I had asked him to pop in more to see her.

When I went into the front room with her she told me that Teresa had said that she was worried about her being there on her own, I told her we were all worried about her being on her own and being safe and that she was lonely she said that she was but I am not now! she told me that she liked me being there best,  I told her that I couldn’t be there all the time as we had things that we had to do as well

Found quite a  few dirty blouses in her bedroom wardrobe so sorted them out, found a £10 note in one of the pockets

While tiding up found her walking stick plus another one, D said that she would phone Verity and Bett to see if it belongs to either of them, she took them over to her house.

When we were sitting in the garden mum said that she could always come home with us, I told her we were going shopping and said that she wouldn’t be able to come she asked ‘why are you going such a long way!’ I told her we would be over again on Tuesday.

Just before leaving I found a box of matches, I asked mum why she had them and she said that she needed them, I wanted to take them but she made me put them in the kitchen cupboard. I hope she forgets she has them. !!!

In the evening Teresa phoned and said that she had talked to mum and had told her that we were all worried about her, especially me and that she had also heard that she had lost her way home when she went to the shop (mum told her that’s not what happened)  and wouldn’t it better if she went somewhere where it was like the friendship club everyday, mum said she didn’t think she was ready for that yet!.

I told Teresa that if mum is going to stay at home that she will need a lot more help, but we both agreed that no one can be there 24 hours, she said that Linda was going to start taking her over so that they could take mum out. She said that Michael was finding it difficult to talk to mum about a care home although he thinks that is where she should be somewhere.. John and I are finding things difficult to deal with at the moment..

Sunday 29^th June 2010

Daph phoned to ask where the spare lifeline was as the carer couldn’t find one this morning, she said that mum was fine this morning

Tuesday 25th May 2010- A visit from Social Services to reassess mum

Tuesday 25^th May 2010

Got to mum early today she was in a terrible state, her clothes were all higgledy piggledy, she had 2 cardigans on all done up wrong and a vest which you could see through and no bra, a skirt ,not tights and her big blue walking shoes on, I gave her breakfast and her meds, and then got her to have a bath, while I did that John cleaned out her fridge and threw quite a lot of stuff away.

Daph came over just before 9am so that she could be with me when Social Services came, they arrived just after 9am two ladies came, Sharon Hale and Jackie Packham, they introduced themselves to mum and asked her a lot of questions, which mum couldn’t answer as she didn’t have a clue what they were talking about!.

They didn’t take much noticed of what we were trying to tell them until they asked if mum had been assessed lately by Dr Asprey, when I said that, yes she had and she had been retested and her score was 11 and Dr Asprey had said that most of her patients with that score are already in a care home, they actually started to listen to us, she said that because of mine and Daphs good care, mum had been able to cope so well, for so long. She offered a lunch time carer, to arrive between 12.30 -1pm, we said what happens if mum goes walk about and is not there, she said that Town and Country carers would either phone me or Daph and if it happens a lot then the carer would be cancelled.

They also offered a weeks respite care at West View Tenterden to give us a break, but we have to fill out a 26 page form!!! Sharon Hale has made an appointment to come to Daph’s house on the 1^st June at 2.30pm to go through the form with us.  Mum has to agree to want to go into care as she has a say it what happens but she can go in for respite care to help us.

After Social Services left we walked up to the supermarket and we got her shopping, when we got back we sat in the garden for a while.

Before we left I got her a glass of wine and left her sitting watching  TV.

Teresa phoned me at home to see how we got on with Social Services, I told her all that had been said, she told me that when she had seen mum on Friday she had been ‘awful’ she had managed to get a lift over to Hawkhurst and when she walked a long to the village she saw mum waiting at the bus stop, when she asked mum why she was there, she told Teresa that she was waiting for her, T said to mum ‘you didn’t know what time I was coming over!, mum told her that she hadn’t been there long.

Teresa said that mum was fine when she saw her on Sunday at Michaels and I said that she would be because she had lots of people around her.  Teresa said that she said to  Michael  at about 6.30pm on Sunday that she noticed that mum looked fidgety and it would be a good idea to take her home, but he said, no he thought it would be good for her to stay longer, I don’t think that he realises that mum  had probably been up since 4am!!! That was probably the reason that she was bad on Monday.

Thursday 20th May - 24 th May 2010

Thursday 20^th May 2010

Had an early phone call from Andrew  to say that Dib had been taken into the Conquest with a suspected heart attack ( thankfully it turned out to be vertigo).

We decided to go over and tell mum about Dib instead of telling her on the phone, we went over just after 9am and brought her back here for the day, she sat in the garden for a while and then she went in and sat and watched the TV, she had some lunch with us and we took her home just after 3pm, she was very muddly and confused but well in herself.

Pete came  over when we got back and he was able to reassure her that Dib was OK ( she kept getting confused and saying that it was her brother Charlie who was in hospital)    

Saturday 22^nd May 2010   

Phone call from carer to say that she couldn’t find mums lifeline, I told her where we kept mums spare one.  Mum spoke to me although she called me Teresa, she asked me if we were going over today, I told her not today.  I reminded her that Teresa had been over yesterday and she said ‘Oh yes, he picked me up and do you know what happened!’ I told her no, I didn’t know, she said ‘well I better find out then!’

I told her that we would be over to see her soon.

Daph and Dib popped in for coffee and they said that mum had been very confused when they last saw her.  I phoned D later on in the day to see if Dib was OK and she said that mum had been over to see if Char was ok! She ended up staying with them for lunch and she took her home about 3pm

Sunday 23^rd May 2010

Michael phoned me to ask if we were taking mum out today as he thought that he would invite mum over to his house later.  I said that she would really love that, he said that he would phone her first before going over, I told him that she wasn’t going over to D & D’s for lunch today as they were going out for lunch, so that would be really good.

Michael said that we should go and see some more care homes, I text Daph to say that Michael was going to invite mum over just incase mum goes over to them before they go out, she said that mum had already been over! She also said that Dib wanted to have a word with Michael about mum and she would phone him to see if he would go into them before picking mum up.

Monday 24^th May 2010

Phoned mum she had just woken up so she was even more confused, she told me that she went to Michaels yesterday and they were all there (I think that she meant Teresa, Linda, Lissa and Family) she said that she had a nice time, but she was really tired.

She told me that she had been up to the shops this morning and she couldn’t remember how to get home, then she said ‘No, she had asked someone’ but when I said to her, you couldn’t find your way home then, she said ‘Of course I could’ .  After a while I think that what she meant was that she went to the shop and she couldn’t find her purse and had forgotten to take it with her.  She told me she had found it but there wasn’t much money in it, she said ‘but never mind, I’ll bring the bags tomorrow!’ I told her that never mind I will bring the bags tomorrow so that we can go shopping. Yes she said that’s it .

She said to me that it was my day yesterday and that she should have come to me, I told her no it wasn’t the day that I come over and it was nice for her to go to Michaels.